Look people....Its raining out. OH MY DEAR LORD... This simply means that everyone will be driving their walkers to school today. Ok..no biggie. It rains in the fall. Its the same process to drop off any other day, just in the rain.
Its very simple. Get in line, pull around, when its your turn, throw it in park, unlock the doors and shout...'GO,GO,GO,GO! GET OUT...GO!' I do actually do this. Just ask the kids who are carpooling with me and who have in the past. My kids are out of the car in seconds! Yes, I rock!
Now, to the idiot this morning who decided that they needed to park at the curb right in front of the school during drop off and go inside. Are you fucking kidding me. What makes you so damn special! You screwed up the entire drop off because you are a fucking idiot! And if you think putting your hazards on makes it ok....its a parking lot you moron.
I have had to go inside the school during drop off before. It does happen. Guess what I do. I PARK MY FUCKING CAR IN A PARKING SPACE! This is the second time in two weeks some moron has decided they are special. What I find especially annoying is the teachers who are out there to help with? no clue, let these idiots do that.
Hell last week, when someone parked at the curb cause they are so damn
special, a teacher with a ton of stuff loaded on a cart couldn't get
into the school cause they were blocking the sidewalk ramp!!
(Remember when my daughter was in a cast from thigh to toes and in a wheelchair forever...and every day, morning and afternoon, someone would block the damn sidewalk ramp. Still pisses me off!)
Remember the good old days at Oak Knoll. If you got out of you car, BC would actually yell at you! Hey NW...quit smiling and waving and yell at these morons who park at the curb and enter the school!
These are not the only offenders of the school drop off code. I love those who pull up to the curb, get out and help their special snowflake out of the car...on the parking lot side, so they now have to cross between the cars. Two problems where...crossing between cars driven by parents who just want to get the kids out get get the hell out and quite often dont pay attention...and getting out of your damn car!
It screws everything up and slows everything down. Unless your child is special needs, they should be able to get out of the damn car all by themselves!
Granted, there will be times that a child needs help. Especially on project day. I dont mind that at all. Poster boards, diorama's, etc...they need help with that. You need to get out to hand it to them, no problem. HUG KISS AND WAVE AT HOME.
School drop off should be treated like a pit stop at the Indy 500. You pull up, doors open, kids fly out, doors close and you take off. Its my goal to beat the 5 second unload this year, and with only two kids, it should be a cinch! If you have to get out, think of yourself as the lug nut guy..dont wander back to the driver side door, RUN RUN RUN!.
And next time I find a car parked at the curb directly in front of the school during drop off, I am going to block them in and wait for them to come out. Or maybe I'll write a nice little nasty note and put it on their windshield. Hell last week, when someone parked at the curb cause they are so damn special, a teacher with a ton of stuff loaded on a cart couldn't get into the school cause they were blocking the sidewalk ramp!!
Well, probably not...I am to big of a wuss, that is why I hide behind the typewritten word. Of course, it was probably someone I know that parked there this morning or someone who knows who it was and will tell them and will get pissed at me. I DONT CARE! I'M EATING BEN AND JERRYS FOR BREAKFAST...DOES THAT TELL YOU MY MOOD TODAY!
And I'm to bitch to apologize for swearing mom. So sorry for not apologizing
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Only a little bitchy here...
Honest, I'm only a little bitchy about this...maybe bitchy is not even the right word....Let me try it this way.....
Dear Old Navy
Let me start out by saying how much I love your store. Wonderful clothing at reasonable prices, and very fashionable. Fashionable in the sense that my kids like shopping there. If I try to take them anywhere else, I get the eye roll and am informed that I have no fashion sense whatsoever. Dramatic emphasis on the 'whatsoever' by the teenage daughter. So, congrats on keeping up or starting the latest and greatest fashion trends.
Now, in the past, I have never been able to look good in your clothes. My fault not yours. I admit that since kids, oh heck, even before having kids, I enjoyed food way to much. Whats not to enjoy when it comes to BACON.
Well, since the fire diet(not recommend for everyone)I have lost 4 sizes! Yes, I look good...not the best yet, but good. And, the best part, I can now wear your clothes! Please note, I am not trying to relive my youth. I had no fashion sense then either. I do not want to be one of those 40 something moms who are trying to look like teenagers. Lets face it, they look ridiculous! And trust me, if I did try to dress like that, I would get major eye rolling from my teenage daughter, more than normal!
I do enjoy the ability to shop in your store and no longer have to shop at Walmart for the cheap crappy jeans. I am not dissing them. I just dont enjoy their jeans. Or at least the jeans that fit me and make me look good. Your jeans make me feel good. I think I look good. My daughter has not looked at me and rolled her eyes at my jeans, so I take that as a good sign. And I don't think I look like a stuffed sausage. God, I HOPE NOT! I think my daughter would tell me.
I love your jeans. I don't buy the skinny ones because I like the ability to breathe and I'm pretty sure my inner organs like staying where they are. If I tried to cram myself into those, I'm pretty sure my spleen would end up north of where it is supposed to be. And I would totally look like a stuffed sausage!
Your stores offer a chart that tries to help me decide my fit. I dont think I'm a 'Rockstar' and I'm not sure what style 'Boyfriend' is, but since I'm married, I skipped that one too. 'Diva', maybe in my own mind but as far as jeans...I have no clue. 'Flirt' is said to fit semi-curvy. I'm not sure what that means, but since I've had three kids and I love Ben and Jerry's, I dont think that one is for me. 'Dreamer' Trims all. I think they call this a dreamer because dream on ladies! If you can actually fit into this, you probably shouldn't. I think people forget, that if you put something on to trim a certain area...well, picture this...take a Brat, and squeeze the bottom part where you would put on jeans. Where does the rest go? UP! MUFFIN TOP! Mine would probably be more like Banana loaf.
'Sweetheart' Curvy. That's the one! Call me curvy...I don't care! I've had three kids and I like food, junk food. I am a woman with sun spots, wrinkles, curves, aches and pains. I am living my life and proud to show it off...well, maybe not all of it :) So I buy three pair!
They are very comfy! and very flattering! (no teenage eye roll) They move well, I can breath, my internal organs are happy, I dont have to lay on the floor and suck in every molecule of oxygen in the room to button or zip! I am happy! wait for it.....except....
Now your store does advertise Woman's Jeans, as does your website. I am a Woman. Yup...I run a house...I have children, pets etc. I am forever bending down, bending over, reaching under etc etc. Like most woman with kids, pets, a house...I am not asking for jeans that go up to my bra line, but I would like to at least get the wash out of the machine without my pants going down....well...we've all seen it. Mom bends over and we get to see it all! Much more entertaining if she's wearing a thong! EWWWW! I know I am not the only woman with this problem. Just look around in any store. Any mom, especially with kids. She bends over to retrieve something or put something back and as soon as she stands back up she's adjusting, looking around hoping that no one saw her underwear. And then, she's hiking her jeans back up where they belong.
If you are selling jeans to woman, please take this into account. We do not sit around all day not moving. We move alot! Not like the commercials, skiing, or sitting in front of a fire, but chasing the cat to keep him from eating string, or wrestling a childs favorite toy from a dog, or on our hands and knees scraping some strange gooey foreign material from the kitchen floor. In the privacy of our own house, its not so horrible. But in public...I have to put items on the bottom of my grocery cart and then retrieve them. I will actually maneuver the cart so that my back is to the items so that I dont have to worry about my butt!
I am sure that I am not the only woman who would like jeans that stay up when we go down. I have enough to do and to worry about especially when out in public. My butt and my jeans are not one of them. Or at least didn't use to be.
Any assistance in this matter would be greatly appreciated. My butt and any unfortunate soul that has to witness me bending down in public, thank you
Sincerely
A Woman
Dear Old Navy
Let me start out by saying how much I love your store. Wonderful clothing at reasonable prices, and very fashionable. Fashionable in the sense that my kids like shopping there. If I try to take them anywhere else, I get the eye roll and am informed that I have no fashion sense whatsoever. Dramatic emphasis on the 'whatsoever' by the teenage daughter. So, congrats on keeping up or starting the latest and greatest fashion trends.
Now, in the past, I have never been able to look good in your clothes. My fault not yours. I admit that since kids, oh heck, even before having kids, I enjoyed food way to much. Whats not to enjoy when it comes to BACON.
Well, since the fire diet(not recommend for everyone)I have lost 4 sizes! Yes, I look good...not the best yet, but good. And, the best part, I can now wear your clothes! Please note, I am not trying to relive my youth. I had no fashion sense then either. I do not want to be one of those 40 something moms who are trying to look like teenagers. Lets face it, they look ridiculous! And trust me, if I did try to dress like that, I would get major eye rolling from my teenage daughter, more than normal!
I do enjoy the ability to shop in your store and no longer have to shop at Walmart for the cheap crappy jeans. I am not dissing them. I just dont enjoy their jeans. Or at least the jeans that fit me and make me look good. Your jeans make me feel good. I think I look good. My daughter has not looked at me and rolled her eyes at my jeans, so I take that as a good sign. And I don't think I look like a stuffed sausage. God, I HOPE NOT! I think my daughter would tell me.
I love your jeans. I don't buy the skinny ones because I like the ability to breathe and I'm pretty sure my inner organs like staying where they are. If I tried to cram myself into those, I'm pretty sure my spleen would end up north of where it is supposed to be. And I would totally look like a stuffed sausage!
Your stores offer a chart that tries to help me decide my fit. I dont think I'm a 'Rockstar' and I'm not sure what style 'Boyfriend' is, but since I'm married, I skipped that one too. 'Diva', maybe in my own mind but as far as jeans...I have no clue. 'Flirt' is said to fit semi-curvy. I'm not sure what that means, but since I've had three kids and I love Ben and Jerry's, I dont think that one is for me. 'Dreamer' Trims all. I think they call this a dreamer because dream on ladies! If you can actually fit into this, you probably shouldn't. I think people forget, that if you put something on to trim a certain area...well, picture this...take a Brat, and squeeze the bottom part where you would put on jeans. Where does the rest go? UP! MUFFIN TOP! Mine would probably be more like Banana loaf.
'Sweetheart' Curvy. That's the one! Call me curvy...I don't care! I've had three kids and I like food, junk food. I am a woman with sun spots, wrinkles, curves, aches and pains. I am living my life and proud to show it off...well, maybe not all of it :) So I buy three pair!
They are very comfy! and very flattering! (no teenage eye roll) They move well, I can breath, my internal organs are happy, I dont have to lay on the floor and suck in every molecule of oxygen in the room to button or zip! I am happy! wait for it.....except....
Now your store does advertise Woman's Jeans, as does your website. I am a Woman. Yup...I run a house...I have children, pets etc. I am forever bending down, bending over, reaching under etc etc. Like most woman with kids, pets, a house...I am not asking for jeans that go up to my bra line, but I would like to at least get the wash out of the machine without my pants going down....well...we've all seen it. Mom bends over and we get to see it all! Much more entertaining if she's wearing a thong! EWWWW! I know I am not the only woman with this problem. Just look around in any store. Any mom, especially with kids. She bends over to retrieve something or put something back and as soon as she stands back up she's adjusting, looking around hoping that no one saw her underwear. And then, she's hiking her jeans back up where they belong.
If you are selling jeans to woman, please take this into account. We do not sit around all day not moving. We move alot! Not like the commercials, skiing, or sitting in front of a fire, but chasing the cat to keep him from eating string, or wrestling a childs favorite toy from a dog, or on our hands and knees scraping some strange gooey foreign material from the kitchen floor. In the privacy of our own house, its not so horrible. But in public...I have to put items on the bottom of my grocery cart and then retrieve them. I will actually maneuver the cart so that my back is to the items so that I dont have to worry about my butt!
I am sure that I am not the only woman who would like jeans that stay up when we go down. I have enough to do and to worry about especially when out in public. My butt and my jeans are not one of them. Or at least didn't use to be.
Any assistance in this matter would be greatly appreciated. My butt and any unfortunate soul that has to witness me bending down in public, thank you
Sincerely
A Woman
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Dear C2's Teacher
Its the beginning of what, the third week of school and you have already driving my house insane.
Perhaps you have never raised a 13 yr old daughter in you house. Let me explain to you what happens when you impose STUPID FUCKING RULES ON YOUR STUDENTS!
First, last week, the world came to an end because we did not have any loose leaf paper. Apparently, you do not accept spiral note book paper for homework. I can understand not wanting all of those little bits of paper that fall of from spiral pages. But for whatever reason, you also don't accept the spiral pages that have the perforation so you can tear them out neatly! AND YOU CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE! Perhaps you have way to much time on your hands? I will be sending you the receipt for $3.48 from CVS for a stupid package of loose leaf paper. Personal checks will not be accepted, cash only.
Now, this evening, we had a crying fit because the printer was confused and didn't want to print the page double sided. Once again, the world will come to and end and C2 will be sent to the school firing squad if she prints up two pages instead of double sided. I suggested that if we can figure it out..lets print one right side up and the other upside down because its STUPID! Guess how well that went over!!!
This is my dime there. Its my paper, my ink and my staple. GET OVER IT!
I have heard from LJ that her daughter went through the same hell with the same teacher....Hey Teacher....I used to tell my kids that sometimes you have to deal with assholes and you have to learn to live with it and get over it and move on. I'm not a very confrontational person you know...but lately....I will kick your ass and smile while I'm doing it!
So, Teacher...back off, cut it out! I am not enjoying the chaos you have brought to my house because you are an anal retentive moron! Life is short... Teach my child about your subject, but please stop imposing stupid rules that ruin my evenings! This, once, mild mannered red head used to be quiet one that sits backs and keeps her mouth shut...but with recent events, I have learned you only have one life to live and I am much quicker at brushing my bitch off and throwing it in your face!
If you have any questions, please ask C2 for my cell number. I would be more than thrilled to meet with you to discuss these issues
Perhaps you have never raised a 13 yr old daughter in you house. Let me explain to you what happens when you impose STUPID FUCKING RULES ON YOUR STUDENTS!
First, last week, the world came to an end because we did not have any loose leaf paper. Apparently, you do not accept spiral note book paper for homework. I can understand not wanting all of those little bits of paper that fall of from spiral pages. But for whatever reason, you also don't accept the spiral pages that have the perforation so you can tear them out neatly! AND YOU CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE! Perhaps you have way to much time on your hands? I will be sending you the receipt for $3.48 from CVS for a stupid package of loose leaf paper. Personal checks will not be accepted, cash only.
Now, this evening, we had a crying fit because the printer was confused and didn't want to print the page double sided. Once again, the world will come to and end and C2 will be sent to the school firing squad if she prints up two pages instead of double sided. I suggested that if we can figure it out..lets print one right side up and the other upside down because its STUPID! Guess how well that went over!!!
This is my dime there. Its my paper, my ink and my staple. GET OVER IT!
I have heard from LJ that her daughter went through the same hell with the same teacher....Hey Teacher....I used to tell my kids that sometimes you have to deal with assholes and you have to learn to live with it and get over it and move on. I'm not a very confrontational person you know...but lately....I will kick your ass and smile while I'm doing it!
So, Teacher...back off, cut it out! I am not enjoying the chaos you have brought to my house because you are an anal retentive moron! Life is short... Teach my child about your subject, but please stop imposing stupid rules that ruin my evenings! This, once, mild mannered red head used to be quiet one that sits backs and keeps her mouth shut...but with recent events, I have learned you only have one life to live and I am much quicker at brushing my bitch off and throwing it in your face!
If you have any questions, please ask C2 for my cell number. I would be more than thrilled to meet with you to discuss these issues
Thursday, July 18, 2013
My last ever fire related posting...
Laying in bed this morning, wondering why I cant sleep. Its July 18, 1:04am. One year ago, at this time, 1:16am, we were watching firetrucks fly down our street as we stood in front of our house watching it burn.
We have been through a lot, more than I ever thought I could handle. Either personally, or as a family.
In the past, pre fire, I had heard about people losing their belongings, and their house on the news like everyone else. It never dawned on me the type of hell they go through from that second on. From the second they are displaced, either by flood or fire, or whatever, their lives are changed...they can never go back, they, we, will never forget, never truly get over it, never finally move on, never let it go.
Its been 365 days...I still think about it. I go to bed at night and those thoughts pop into my head...the sounds, the lights, the oppressive heat of the night, the horror at being in the street in my jammies, sans bra! I go to bed more nights than I care to admit, picturing myself screaming at my children to run. What's worse, is when I go to bed at night and try to fill in the missing chunks. This is not something I do on purpose. Who would. I lay down, all snuggly, try to sleep, and these thoughts and images race through my head.
Not a day goes by that someone in the house doesn't bring up the fire, or items lost, or missing. And no, not by me. I try not to mention it to the kids/hubby. Its mostly the kids that bring it up and mostly regarding items lost, destroyed, or just plain missing. I cringe when I hear, 'hey mom, what happened to my ****' It happens at least once a day, the question, followed by my silence and look, and then either anger, or sadness.
Today, well, technically, yesterday, 364 days after the fire, I dragged a box from my closet to the garage because something in it smelled like smoke. I also went through a box of pictures/frames and books, half went into the garage because they stink.
We are still missing everyday items....and every time I go to the store, which I swear to god is every freaking day!, I forget to buy the missing items. A pipe wrench, a funnel, a stupid wine opener. Realized this past weekend, I dont have any of those corn thingys you stick in corn on the cob so you can eat it without burning yourself. Have been to the store 4 times since them and have forgotten to buy them every time.
And dont get me wrong, I have no personal attachment to stupid corn on the cob thingys. Its just the fact that I dont remember that I dont own them anymore so when I go to get them, I dont have them and its just plain ANNOYING!
Last week, I was looking for Hubbies staple gun. I had used it last and needed it again. I searched high and low in the garage....getting annoyed, mostly at myself, figuring that I had misplaced the damn thing and was going to catch hell for it. You know men and their tools. Finally, I started cleaning the stupid garage searching for it. 30 minutes later I found it. Right where it belonged, hanging on the wall behind the work bench. Its yellow now. All of this time I had been searching for my silver staple gun. I had forgotten that it was now yellow. How stupid is that!
I look at what we have now...not at what we have lost. Hell, we had to much crap anyway. We all do. Don't believe me...go look in your basement....make a mental list of the stuff you haven't used in the past 5 years!
I look at what we have now...every single thing I have ever wanted to do to my house, I was able to do. I mean EVERYTHING. We all have a wish list in our house....an outlet here, a switch there, new floor, new cabinets. I got it all. ALL! Hell, I got a master suite! As incredibly gorgeous as it is, as amazing, as shiny, as new....its a daily reminder of what we went through. Hell, its a minute by minute reminder of what we went through. My old fridge was literally held together by duct tape. I was desperate to replace it, but the damn thing wouldn't die. I just couldn't go out and spend money on a new one, when the old one still worked. Every time I open my incredibly beautiful, dual ice maker, fridge, I am reminded at how it came to be. Its not a conscious thought, I dont have many of those, its just a fleeting thought.
I always wanted a living room set for a patio set...I got it. I always wanted to get rid of the dying tree in my yard and put a bigger pool, I got it. Its like winning a reverse lottery. Here's all the money you need to rebuild your house the way you have always dreamed, but there's a catch....you loose everything you own.
I summed it up to a friend once by saying, its like I woke up in someone elses life. I went to bed that night and woke up with the same family same world, but a different life. Lets face it, our material things are our life. If they weren't we wouldn't strive for new cars, better furniture, new shoes etc.
I remember joking, pre fire, about having a house fire, re building, replacing...we've all said it...That we want new carpet so lets set fire to the living room floor... Never in a million years would I have imagined the pain that this sort of tragedy brings.
Are we closer as a family, yes. We realize how close we came to not being here...to not having each other to laugh with or at...to annoy, to shoot nerf bullets at, to turn off the bathroom light when someone is in the shower :) to hug, to love, to care, and to watch grow, or in my case, i think i'm shrinking.
Are we still feeling out of place, yes. I dont know how to describe this one. Its an odd feeling. Maybe like moving to a new town where you know some of the people, but things have changed so much? or moving back to the town you grew up in? you've changed but no one else has? I'm not sure. We were at a gathering recently, and suddenly, I looked around and discovered my entire family, that is the 5 of us, were alone in the basement, eating. No one else down there, just us. (I gathered up everyone and we left) It was odd. Like we're feeling out of place...this huge monumental event has occurred, an event that threw us out of the normal realm of daily life. We are not back to normal, not feeling normal, feeling out of place, when the rest of the world just continues on around us. Some days, we feel like invisible people? That's not right...I was at another gathering where I was introduced to everyone as the friend who lost her house in a fire. Maybe that's it. if its not mentioned, you wait....waiting for, hoping no one does, but knowing someone will mention it. Half wanting to talk about it because it sometimes feels better to do so...when it is mentioned, you cringe...not wanting to talk about it. Or maybe its the feeling out of place because for the past year, we have had nothing else happen to us but house crap. We have nothing to contribute to the conversation. Hell, I dont even know what is going on in the real word...I still dont have time to read the paper...i keep forgetting to by corn on the cob thingys!
Hubby recently said he had nothing to say at a gathering...I understand the feeling(I'll wait for the shock of that statement to wear off) I used to love hanging out and chatting it up. Now, I've got nothing.(another shocker, I know)
We lost our house, but it was rebuilt as our dream house. We lost our possessions, most we didn't need anyway. But, have we lost ourselves as well? and if so, where do we go from here? You can replace an ice bucket(finally just did that one), but how can you replace your own feeling of what? belonging? No...not belonging? How can you go back to feeling like you are not the giant white elephant in the room...hiding in the corner, half dreading, half wishing that someone will notice the giant white elephant...That makes no sense what so ever...How do we get back to our pre fire lives?
That's it....I'm done...its 2:11 am....the fire has been put out, mostly, hoses are still spraying hot spots...we don't yet know the damage...we have since discovered, the physical damage was null in comparison.
We have been through a lot, more than I ever thought I could handle. Either personally, or as a family.
In the past, pre fire, I had heard about people losing their belongings, and their house on the news like everyone else. It never dawned on me the type of hell they go through from that second on. From the second they are displaced, either by flood or fire, or whatever, their lives are changed...they can never go back, they, we, will never forget, never truly get over it, never finally move on, never let it go.
Its been 365 days...I still think about it. I go to bed at night and those thoughts pop into my head...the sounds, the lights, the oppressive heat of the night, the horror at being in the street in my jammies, sans bra! I go to bed more nights than I care to admit, picturing myself screaming at my children to run. What's worse, is when I go to bed at night and try to fill in the missing chunks. This is not something I do on purpose. Who would. I lay down, all snuggly, try to sleep, and these thoughts and images race through my head.
Not a day goes by that someone in the house doesn't bring up the fire, or items lost, or missing. And no, not by me. I try not to mention it to the kids/hubby. Its mostly the kids that bring it up and mostly regarding items lost, destroyed, or just plain missing. I cringe when I hear, 'hey mom, what happened to my ****' It happens at least once a day, the question, followed by my silence and look, and then either anger, or sadness.
Today, well, technically, yesterday, 364 days after the fire, I dragged a box from my closet to the garage because something in it smelled like smoke. I also went through a box of pictures/frames and books, half went into the garage because they stink.
We are still missing everyday items....and every time I go to the store, which I swear to god is every freaking day!, I forget to buy the missing items. A pipe wrench, a funnel, a stupid wine opener. Realized this past weekend, I dont have any of those corn thingys you stick in corn on the cob so you can eat it without burning yourself. Have been to the store 4 times since them and have forgotten to buy them every time.
And dont get me wrong, I have no personal attachment to stupid corn on the cob thingys. Its just the fact that I dont remember that I dont own them anymore so when I go to get them, I dont have them and its just plain ANNOYING!
Last week, I was looking for Hubbies staple gun. I had used it last and needed it again. I searched high and low in the garage....getting annoyed, mostly at myself, figuring that I had misplaced the damn thing and was going to catch hell for it. You know men and their tools. Finally, I started cleaning the stupid garage searching for it. 30 minutes later I found it. Right where it belonged, hanging on the wall behind the work bench. Its yellow now. All of this time I had been searching for my silver staple gun. I had forgotten that it was now yellow. How stupid is that!
I look at what we have now...not at what we have lost. Hell, we had to much crap anyway. We all do. Don't believe me...go look in your basement....make a mental list of the stuff you haven't used in the past 5 years!
I look at what we have now...every single thing I have ever wanted to do to my house, I was able to do. I mean EVERYTHING. We all have a wish list in our house....an outlet here, a switch there, new floor, new cabinets. I got it all. ALL! Hell, I got a master suite! As incredibly gorgeous as it is, as amazing, as shiny, as new....its a daily reminder of what we went through. Hell, its a minute by minute reminder of what we went through. My old fridge was literally held together by duct tape. I was desperate to replace it, but the damn thing wouldn't die. I just couldn't go out and spend money on a new one, when the old one still worked. Every time I open my incredibly beautiful, dual ice maker, fridge, I am reminded at how it came to be. Its not a conscious thought, I dont have many of those, its just a fleeting thought.
I always wanted a living room set for a patio set...I got it. I always wanted to get rid of the dying tree in my yard and put a bigger pool, I got it. Its like winning a reverse lottery. Here's all the money you need to rebuild your house the way you have always dreamed, but there's a catch....you loose everything you own.
I summed it up to a friend once by saying, its like I woke up in someone elses life. I went to bed that night and woke up with the same family same world, but a different life. Lets face it, our material things are our life. If they weren't we wouldn't strive for new cars, better furniture, new shoes etc.
I remember joking, pre fire, about having a house fire, re building, replacing...we've all said it...That we want new carpet so lets set fire to the living room floor... Never in a million years would I have imagined the pain that this sort of tragedy brings.
Are we closer as a family, yes. We realize how close we came to not being here...to not having each other to laugh with or at...to annoy, to shoot nerf bullets at, to turn off the bathroom light when someone is in the shower :) to hug, to love, to care, and to watch grow, or in my case, i think i'm shrinking.
Are we still feeling out of place, yes. I dont know how to describe this one. Its an odd feeling. Maybe like moving to a new town where you know some of the people, but things have changed so much? or moving back to the town you grew up in? you've changed but no one else has? I'm not sure. We were at a gathering recently, and suddenly, I looked around and discovered my entire family, that is the 5 of us, were alone in the basement, eating. No one else down there, just us. (I gathered up everyone and we left) It was odd. Like we're feeling out of place...this huge monumental event has occurred, an event that threw us out of the normal realm of daily life. We are not back to normal, not feeling normal, feeling out of place, when the rest of the world just continues on around us. Some days, we feel like invisible people? That's not right...I was at another gathering where I was introduced to everyone as the friend who lost her house in a fire. Maybe that's it. if its not mentioned, you wait....waiting for, hoping no one does, but knowing someone will mention it. Half wanting to talk about it because it sometimes feels better to do so...when it is mentioned, you cringe...not wanting to talk about it. Or maybe its the feeling out of place because for the past year, we have had nothing else happen to us but house crap. We have nothing to contribute to the conversation. Hell, I dont even know what is going on in the real word...I still dont have time to read the paper...i keep forgetting to by corn on the cob thingys!
Hubby recently said he had nothing to say at a gathering...I understand the feeling(I'll wait for the shock of that statement to wear off) I used to love hanging out and chatting it up. Now, I've got nothing.(another shocker, I know)
We lost our house, but it was rebuilt as our dream house. We lost our possessions, most we didn't need anyway. But, have we lost ourselves as well? and if so, where do we go from here? You can replace an ice bucket(finally just did that one), but how can you replace your own feeling of what? belonging? No...not belonging? How can you go back to feeling like you are not the giant white elephant in the room...hiding in the corner, half dreading, half wishing that someone will notice the giant white elephant...That makes no sense what so ever...How do we get back to our pre fire lives?
That's it....I'm done...its 2:11 am....the fire has been put out, mostly, hoses are still spraying hot spots...we don't yet know the damage...we have since discovered, the physical damage was null in comparison.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Why is it my fault......
I don't know where your shoes are...I didn't wear them last
I don't know where your wallet is...I dont care if you said you left it right there, its not mine, I didn't take it
I don't know where your math book is, I suck at math and therefore would never even dream of touching it.
I don't have your lucky shirt...Its to small for me, I wouldn't wear it.
Maybe if you would bring your laundry downstairs, I would know it needs to be washed...I'm afraid to go into your room...its scary
Its not my fault that your friends cannot play today
Its not my fault that you forgot your homework
Its not my fault that your brother/sister keeps talking to you
Its not my fault that your brother/sister is disgusting
or that they play their music to loud
or that the exist in general(well maybe that part is)
Its not my fault there is no food in the house...If you didn't eat it the second I unpacked it, it would last longer.
Its not my fault there is no toilet paper in your bathroom. I dont use your bathroom.
Its not my fault your bathroom is a mess, see your brother/sister
Its not my fault your brother/sister cant keep the bathroom clean
No, I dont want to play football/basketball/baseball right now.
Its not my fault the landscapers cannot work in the rain
Its not my fault the pool wont be installed for another week
Its not my fault we cannot put water in the pool until the fence is back in
Its not my fault that we cannot put the fence back up until the landscapers are done, who cant work in the rain or finish until the pool is up, which we cannot fill until the fence is up, which cant happen until the landscapers are done, who can't work in the rain or finish until the.......
Its not my fault that you finished book #4 and book #5 is at the store
Its not my fault that we are not an office supply store. Dont tell me at 9:45 at night.
Its not my fault that stores close.
Its not my fault that you cannot sleep.
Its not my fault that your soda exploded in your backpack
Its not my fault that you are out of soda
Its not my fault that you have homework
Its not my fault that you have a horrible teacher from an alien planet that was sent to Earth just to torture you
Its not my fault that you lied to me
Its not my fault that I have to ground you
..............................
Mom, You were right
Thursday, May 9, 2013
I am going to cuss a lot in this one...sorry mom!
FUCK YOU STATE FARM! I hope you rot in hell, you greedy fucking bastards.
And thank you, every time I get this close to moving on with my life, something happens to fuck it up again....this time its you. so FUCK YOU!
Hubby called to make sure that we upped our policy to cover the addition to our house and our contents. He was informed by our agents office(bastard) that our policy had been cancelled as of April 30th. (pause for effect)
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!?! I called the office in Bloomington where I was informed that we have had to many claims in the past 16 years.
Hell, we dont need to worry about being under insured, we HAVE NO INSURANCE.
Want to know the kicker of it all....WE WERE NEVER INFORMED! They claim that they sent us a notice...in the regular mail. I told them that since we are still undergoing fire crap, I open every single piece of mail from State Farm because it is usually a check. I never got a letter!
By law they have to notify my mortgage company also. Guess what...my mortgage company knows nothing about this.
I am going to go and crawl back into my hole now....I'm going to enjoy it and stay there for a while....so go away...or I might just loose my mind!
And for gods sake, dont come over! If you slip and fall in my house or on my property, I HAVE NO INSURANCE!!!
And thank you, every time I get this close to moving on with my life, something happens to fuck it up again....this time its you. so FUCK YOU!
Hubby called to make sure that we upped our policy to cover the addition to our house and our contents. He was informed by our agents office(bastard) that our policy had been cancelled as of April 30th. (pause for effect)
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!?! I called the office in Bloomington where I was informed that we have had to many claims in the past 16 years.
- 2000 Hail storm, new roof $4100
- 2000 Ice jam interior damage $426
- 2001 Ice jam, no claim actually made and 0 payout
- 2002 Question about hail damage to window, no claim made 0 payout
- 2005 Hail damage $9100
- 2012 House fire $A lot of cash
Hell, we dont need to worry about being under insured, we HAVE NO INSURANCE.
Want to know the kicker of it all....WE WERE NEVER INFORMED! They claim that they sent us a notice...in the regular mail. I told them that since we are still undergoing fire crap, I open every single piece of mail from State Farm because it is usually a check. I never got a letter!
By law they have to notify my mortgage company also. Guess what...my mortgage company knows nothing about this.
I am going to go and crawl back into my hole now....I'm going to enjoy it and stay there for a while....so go away...or I might just loose my mind!
And for gods sake, dont come over! If you slip and fall in my house or on my property, I HAVE NO INSURANCE!!!
Friday, April 5, 2013
Squirrels, a shelf, and a nail gun
Today started out like any other day. Running errands, I bought green plant finally!, and went and bought more wood for making box shelves. It's my favorite things to build. I buy 12' by 8" sheets of common wood. Today it was three planks I got for 85% off cause they were slightly warped. So I figured six shelves built for less than five bucks. Great deal. I already had the paint, so it was a no brainer.
So I get home, set up the sawhorses, and start out painting the wood white on one side. Then I changed the laundry, watched a episode of bones and knitted while the white side dried. Flipped them over, painted the other sides the different colors and waited again. These are very simple shelves and the look pretty good too!
Now it's time for assembly. Well first cutting them via circular saw and table saw. Eye protection in place, ear protection in place. Soon all wood cut and no fingers lost.
Now to put them together. Easy peasy. And they were looking great. Now I am on my very last board to board....my last box shelf...woohoo...I am ready to affix the last piece of wood....picture it...I'm kneeling in the garage, ready to put the last two pieces together....when two baby squirrels, very excited about spring having finally sprung, come tearing into the garage, running across the backs of my legs, (I don't care who you are, that makes you jump), as I pull the trigger on the nail gun. Yes, that's right, nail gun. Needless to say, I nailed myself. Right into my left hand...hitting the bone...blood everywhere.
Did you know that when you walk into the er and tell them you shot yourself with a nail gun, they move pretty quick? My sister laughed her head off at me and begged to be the one to tell my mom. And I believe that I am officially and forever grounded from the garage. But I at least put all of his tools back where I found them and cleaned the blood off of the new garage floor before I left!
So I get home, set up the sawhorses, and start out painting the wood white on one side. Then I changed the laundry, watched a episode of bones and knitted while the white side dried. Flipped them over, painted the other sides the different colors and waited again. These are very simple shelves and the look pretty good too!
Now it's time for assembly. Well first cutting them via circular saw and table saw. Eye protection in place, ear protection in place. Soon all wood cut and no fingers lost.
Now to put them together. Easy peasy. And they were looking great. Now I am on my very last board to board....my last box shelf...woohoo...I am ready to affix the last piece of wood....picture it...I'm kneeling in the garage, ready to put the last two pieces together....when two baby squirrels, very excited about spring having finally sprung, come tearing into the garage, running across the backs of my legs, (I don't care who you are, that makes you jump), as I pull the trigger on the nail gun. Yes, that's right, nail gun. Needless to say, I nailed myself. Right into my left hand...hitting the bone...blood everywhere.
Did you know that when you walk into the er and tell them you shot yourself with a nail gun, they move pretty quick? My sister laughed her head off at me and begged to be the one to tell my mom. And I believe that I am officially and forever grounded from the garage. But I at least put all of his tools back where I found them and cleaned the blood off of the new garage floor before I left!
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Crunch time....I'm freaking out here....
Excited to move back into my house in 15 days. NO! Why? I have no freaking idea. Scared, YES, of what, I have no freaking idea. Ready to move back, NO. Why? I have to much stuff to buy, to many things missing, a reminder of to many things lost, of what we came so close to actually losing.
Why am I not excited? Why am I actually scared? (Why can't I capitalize the W on the first try?) what (see did it again) am I actually afraid of? Why am I still in tears almost daily over this? When does it go away?
I wish I knew? Buying shit..no biggie...I have a list...bathroom mirrors, cup holders, soap dispensers, towels, bath rugs, light fixtures, TP holder, Garbage can, towel racks, mop, broom, dust pan, more garbage cans, hangers, clothes pins, tons of little baskets and bins for keeping our shit. I actually have no idea where I am going to put the arts and craft stuff or what to keep it in. I bought a glue gun, but have no where to keep it. Now, in the rental house, and when we move back into my house.
Believe it or not, MOM, I did have a place for everything, nothing was just ever in its place. Now I have no place for anything. And, because my house has changed so much, I dont know if I still have a place for stuff. I know, it sounds stupid, but its not to me. I had my shoe shelf, where the kids kept their backpacks, their shoes, and a small supply of arts and crafts. On the side of the shelf, was clips for keeping important papers, homework, reading logs etc. that shelf is gone. where do I keep this stuff now? It was there because it was easy access...Sure I could move it upstairs or down stairs, but then its not easy access...stupid I know, but a problem in my world.
My last memories of my house was of piles of shit every where. My last photos of my house was of piles of shit everywhere. I cannot handle the thought of moving into my house and having piles of shit everywhere. I dont know where to put anything!
To most of you,this may seem stupid...but to me, it has me in tears as I type this. to have our lives uprooted so violently was painful enough. To have lived in a house to small for us with so many missing pieces has been a hard ship on all of us. Now we are moving back into our house that no longer looks like our house, feels like our house and I have no where to put stuff. Did you know that my laundry room actually makes me feel claustrophobic. I have no idea how I am going to work in there when I'm afraid to go in there.
We removed a wall, the only wall on our first floor, opened up the entire space, its going to be wonderful......but I lost the place where I kept all of my knitting gear. Just seeing it there made me happy, now I dont know where to put it.
My wall that I was creating with photos in the basement. Do I want to put it back? Why bother? I lost all of the picture frames...
I'm want to decorate, but I can't. I lost almost all of my stuff. When we were forced to leave our house, it was decorated...a crazy eclectic style, but decorated....I dont want to move into a blank slate...one that does not have our personality in it. I know it will, but for some reason, I am having a hell of a time letting go. and if anyone tell me to just move on i will bitch slap you and unfriend you!
I am fully aware that we only lost stuff. Stuff can be replaced. Trust me, I know that...ask hubby, I was always throwing away stuff that I though we didn't need anymore. *grin*. I dont care about stuff. I can buy stuff, I dont mind buying stuff.. I've lost so much more than all of my possessions. (I still only own one pair of shoes) I've lost my home. Yes, I am getting it back, better than before, but....I guess I just dont know... KLP and I were discussing where I was going to put things in my new kitchen...it was kinda funny...she said when she redid her kitchen she had a pretty good idea where her stuff was going to go. I dont know what stuff I own. I know the stuff here in the rental house, but there is stuff at my parents house that I got for xmas and I have NO clue what is in the ware house. I just dont remember.
Maybe that is it...how am I supposed to get excited about re creating our home when I dont know what we have, what precious items did we get to keep, what memories are still there.
Maybe that is what I am afraid of...discovering truly, what is lost....we rely on our memories but we also rely on our stuff so we dont forget. How soon before I forget the size of C1 foot print in plaster because it was on the dead list. How soon before I forget when C2 passed me in height because the piece of wood was throw in a dumpster. How soon before I forget the beautiful(ugly) wood owl C3 bought me from the dollar store? which he saved his allowance for two days to buy. Our wedding candle with the bride holding on to the collar of the groom who was trying to run away!
We will make new memories...but I am so desperate to hold onto the old ones, but I have nothing left to remind me of them.....its all gone....Maybe I'm afraid of moving on and forgetting....but not forgetting the last moments with my family in my house....the last terrifying moments...those memories will never leave....no matter how much paint we put on the walls, how the kitchen has been re modeled, the new master suite....I will never be able to shake the feelings.....Maybe I am afraid of forgetting the wonderful and only remembering the pain...that....
and where the hell am I going to keep my glue gun now???
Why am I not excited? Why am I actually scared? (Why can't I capitalize the W on the first try?) what (see did it again) am I actually afraid of? Why am I still in tears almost daily over this? When does it go away?
I wish I knew? Buying shit..no biggie...I have a list...bathroom mirrors, cup holders, soap dispensers, towels, bath rugs, light fixtures, TP holder, Garbage can, towel racks, mop, broom, dust pan, more garbage cans, hangers, clothes pins, tons of little baskets and bins for keeping our shit. I actually have no idea where I am going to put the arts and craft stuff or what to keep it in. I bought a glue gun, but have no where to keep it. Now, in the rental house, and when we move back into my house.
Believe it or not, MOM, I did have a place for everything, nothing was just ever in its place. Now I have no place for anything. And, because my house has changed so much, I dont know if I still have a place for stuff. I know, it sounds stupid, but its not to me. I had my shoe shelf, where the kids kept their backpacks, their shoes, and a small supply of arts and crafts. On the side of the shelf, was clips for keeping important papers, homework, reading logs etc. that shelf is gone. where do I keep this stuff now? It was there because it was easy access...Sure I could move it upstairs or down stairs, but then its not easy access...stupid I know, but a problem in my world.
My last memories of my house was of piles of shit every where. My last photos of my house was of piles of shit everywhere. I cannot handle the thought of moving into my house and having piles of shit everywhere. I dont know where to put anything!
To most of you,this may seem stupid...but to me, it has me in tears as I type this. to have our lives uprooted so violently was painful enough. To have lived in a house to small for us with so many missing pieces has been a hard ship on all of us. Now we are moving back into our house that no longer looks like our house, feels like our house and I have no where to put stuff. Did you know that my laundry room actually makes me feel claustrophobic. I have no idea how I am going to work in there when I'm afraid to go in there.
We removed a wall, the only wall on our first floor, opened up the entire space, its going to be wonderful......but I lost the place where I kept all of my knitting gear. Just seeing it there made me happy, now I dont know where to put it.
My wall that I was creating with photos in the basement. Do I want to put it back? Why bother? I lost all of the picture frames...
I'm want to decorate, but I can't. I lost almost all of my stuff. When we were forced to leave our house, it was decorated...a crazy eclectic style, but decorated....I dont want to move into a blank slate...one that does not have our personality in it. I know it will, but for some reason, I am having a hell of a time letting go. and if anyone tell me to just move on i will bitch slap you and unfriend you!
I am fully aware that we only lost stuff. Stuff can be replaced. Trust me, I know that...ask hubby, I was always throwing away stuff that I though we didn't need anymore. *grin*. I dont care about stuff. I can buy stuff, I dont mind buying stuff.. I've lost so much more than all of my possessions. (I still only own one pair of shoes) I've lost my home. Yes, I am getting it back, better than before, but....I guess I just dont know... KLP and I were discussing where I was going to put things in my new kitchen...it was kinda funny...she said when she redid her kitchen she had a pretty good idea where her stuff was going to go. I dont know what stuff I own. I know the stuff here in the rental house, but there is stuff at my parents house that I got for xmas and I have NO clue what is in the ware house. I just dont remember.
Maybe that is it...how am I supposed to get excited about re creating our home when I dont know what we have, what precious items did we get to keep, what memories are still there.
Maybe that is what I am afraid of...discovering truly, what is lost....we rely on our memories but we also rely on our stuff so we dont forget. How soon before I forget the size of C1 foot print in plaster because it was on the dead list. How soon before I forget when C2 passed me in height because the piece of wood was throw in a dumpster. How soon before I forget the beautiful(ugly) wood owl C3 bought me from the dollar store? which he saved his allowance for two days to buy. Our wedding candle with the bride holding on to the collar of the groom who was trying to run away!
We will make new memories...but I am so desperate to hold onto the old ones, but I have nothing left to remind me of them.....its all gone....Maybe I'm afraid of moving on and forgetting....but not forgetting the last moments with my family in my house....the last terrifying moments...those memories will never leave....no matter how much paint we put on the walls, how the kitchen has been re modeled, the new master suite....I will never be able to shake the feelings.....Maybe I am afraid of forgetting the wonderful and only remembering the pain...that....
and where the hell am I going to keep my glue gun now???
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