I have decided to plan for the future

I have decided to have my mid life crisis now. Why wait and be surprised. Why not plan it out.
Honey, I am going to have my mid life crisis now. I am going to buy a Nano..I'm going to work out and i'm going to eat ice cream (hang on a second) (now I have ice cream). I am going to panic over nothing, yell at people for no reason and contemplate life. Wait...

that sounds like PMS. Oh well..

So..that is my plan. See, i'm gonna be 40 next year. In my mind, big freaking deal, but, other people seem to make a big deal over it, so i'm gonig to jump on the band wagon. Aren't there even books written about it? Wait..let me google.

Ok, I googled turning 40 and in .16 seconds returned over 32million hits. So, it must be a big deal.

For me, not so much. It is a milestone...but more like, its another day close to death. Gosh..that does sound morbid doesn't it. Ok...let me try to explain or i'll have my mother calling me yelling at me again.

Aveage lifespan of a woman...who the hell cares. Lets say its 80 years old unless I get hit by a bus tomorrow, then it would have been 39. Up until this point, I have more days to live. After sometime in November, I will have less days to live. Does that make sense.

Dont get me wrong...i am not the type to dwell on stupid stuff like this. I really dont care all that much. I look forward to growing older. I already have the granny glasses for reading...the ones with the cute chain on them. Trust me, they look adorable. I cherish all of my wrinkles (cept butt ones, i mean really!!) I refuse to waste my money on anti wrinkle cream. Let the come and get me! I welcome them with open arms. To me, they say...look at me world..I have lived my life and enjoyed every second of it. I have laughed until my face is permanently etched with lines...I have squinted at the sun so much, I look like Clint Eastwood! ewwww...

My body....well...its wrinkly too :) I limp from to much skiing and digging in the dirt as an archaeologist. My shoulder pains me from living in the fast lane(ok...I was at a stop light when I got hit, fine, crush the image) and knitting. My butt...grows wider from to much ice cream and has wrinkles that dont belong there.. Luckily its on the back of me and I cannot see it. My front...well...gravity sucks, but I hearby pledge to at least keep them from flopping around my bellybutton. I praise the effects of the sports bra. Now instead of flooppy twosome..I have on big squish! ROFLMAO The rest of me, who the hell cares. If you dont like it, dont look! Which is why I haven't seen myself naked since I was three!

Ok...this has gotten way off track and my ice cream is melting!

My pledge as I totter towards middle age and beyond.....

I hearby vow to quit smoking. I will not be a smoker when I turn 40. For those of you who didn't know and just gasped in shock...hush..I dont want to hear about it.

And My second and only other vow..to get in shape before I turn 40. LORD NO, THAT DOES NOT MEAN FITNESS MODEL IN SHAPE. I mean, my crappy skiing/archeological knees hurt with a few extra pounds, so I'm gonna shed them. Course, doesn't help that I just ate ice cream, oh and before that a snickers bar. Sigh..i'm going about this all wrong. Oh well.

I'm gonna live it, eat it, listen to it, yell about it, cry about it, curse about it, (yes mom, I curse) and enjoy every second of it. And keep up with my two vows. Lets see what happens after november, shall we >:)

I could kill my husband and no jury.....

Reason number 46 of how I could kill my husband and no jury with at least one married mom on it would convict me.


I am on my hands and knees (no not that) cleaning out my fridge with $300 worth of groceries all over the place, dogs sniffing in the bags and c3 eating all of the cheese sticks.

I know, I could have waited to clean out the fridge, but it was so empty and it made it look HORRIBLE!.

So...I grab my hose for my vacuum...yes the new DYSON and start by cleaning up the crumbs...makes it a lot easier right? So...Hubby, who is working from home...comes up behind me and says....Shouldn't you use a sponge?

Now I, I think, like most people have several personalities. Well....the most sarcastic of all of my personalities came climbing out on top for this one..

I turned, still on the floor, wondering what is the world is this very thin jelly like substance I have just scraped with a putty knife out of the bottom of the fridge...and replied...

(if you have ever heard me speak with this personality, image it)

REALLY???? And to think...all of these years, I've been doing it wrong. Thank you so much for being a part of my life and explaining to my simple mind how these complicated things work.

sigh......