Ok...Maybe its not to whom it may concern...its more of Dear Children.....
I would think that if you were children of normal brain stature, you would like and want a nice mom to have around. A mom who gave hugs and kisses, who read stories, baked cookies, gladly shuffled you around places, cleaned up after you, bathed you when you were broken or stapled back together, cooked your favorite dinner, washed your favorite shirt, knit you awesome socks, and generally and unconditionally loved the stuffings out of you.
I wonder if you know how easy it is to have this kind of mom. This is, afterall, the favorite type of mom.
Here is what to do to have this mom.
Get up when I tell you to. Dont fake being asleep. I know you are not.
Get dressed, and that does not mean wear the same shirt you wore yesterday, slept in and then put back on after you showered.
Come downstairs with SOCKS ON. I have no idea why I like this. The outfit feels complete with socks for some reason...so just freaking do it man!!!
Do not talk to your siblings when you come down for breakfast.
Grab a simple breakfast, do not ask if you can turn on the tv, because you already know the answer and whining wont change anything.
clean up after yourself, that does not mean putting a bowl crusted with oatmeal in the dishwasher. it becomes concrete man! I wonder if that is what the Egyptians used when they built the pyramids.
put your shoes on
dont decide you need 3 dollars for school that day
dont shove papers in front of me demanding I sign them
dont get lost on the way to brush your teeth
dont play with legos on the way to brushing your teeth.
dont play your computer on the way to brushing your teeth
brush your teeth
please do not paint with toothpaste, see the oatmeal concrete comments, I think toothpaste was used as caulk
come downstairs with your shoes
put your coat on and get out.
oh..kiss me goodbye.
Dont forget your lunch, after I said three times to grab your lunch
dont yell at me that you dont have time to zip your jacket after you got lost upstairs for 27 min while heading to brush your teeth
dont start looking for your homework
Keep in mind, this is just getting out the door. I wont even start getting in the door
ok..one thing...dont come in the door fighting!
Dont throw your stuff on the counter and or floor and start rooting for a snack
Dont argue.
CHILDREN, IT IS VERY VERY EASY TO HAVE THE PERFECT MOM AS DESCRIBED IN THE FIRST PARAGRAPH. JUST KEEP YOUR MOUTH CLOSED AND DONT ARGUE WITH ME!
I want to be the nice mom, the loving mom, but you wont let me. Why not? What is wrong with your brains that have caused you to need the mean mom? Do you think I like to be this way. That I like dreading getting you up in the morning or dreading when you come home after school? Guess what guys..I dont... sigh
Monday, January 25, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
The Laundry Fairy no longer works here.
Dear Hubby, C1, C2 and partially C3
For whatever reason, you guys seem to think that there is a laundry fairy that gathers up all of the laundry and washes and puts it all away for you. Guess what, Its ME! and there are a few rules that need to be set.
Hubby, and all C's
I will not empty pockets. Hubby, you are an adult, empty your own pockets. C's minus c3, if you dont want it washed dont leave it there.
I will not turn things righside out. If you take it off inside out and I wash it inside out, you had better double check before you leave for school C3, this does not necessarilay apply. I will warn you before you leave for school cause you are little. Heck, on more than one occasion, I have warn a shirt inside out to the gym. Ask KF. I still check every day when we go into the childcare! Can you belive that people dont ever tell me! I wonder if they just laugh or are they grateful that they checked before they left the house and I didn't?
I will not remove underwear from pants. That is my most hated thing about laundry. I dont know why, but underwear that is still trapped on a pant leg gives me the heebie jeebies, so just cut it out!
Socks, oh my socks, sigh socks, god how I hate socks. Most people who know me know that twice I year I do a sock swap. I take very single sock in the house and throw it away and buy all new socks. And then for that day, every sock in the house matches up! Its such a wonderful feeling! Try it!
Laundry baskets...they are meant for clothes not toys. I hate when I dump it in and I hear a clunk. No one wants to have to dig down through the dirty laundry to the bottom to find the matchbox car or lego or what ever else you thought should go in there. Its for Laundry!
C1, please, oh please, change you underwear once in a while. I dont care if you are having a contest with you BF, its gross. At least dont tell me about it and put clean ones in the laundry so it makes me feel better.
C2, I knit all kinds of cool socks for you. It would be nice, just once in a while to actually have two matching socks in the laundry. I am not sure what you do with them, but because they are personally knit and of many different syles and colors, you cannot match them up with a different pair. Well, I guess you could. You did wear knee hi florescent stripped socks to BB on Saturday. I thought they looked great BTW.
C3. Drapery rods are not for hanging underwear on. I dont even want to know how you get them up there. They belong in the laundry. They do not belong on each and every blade of the ceiling fan. It may look cool, but you can explain to dad why the fan makes such a horrible noise and he has to keep re balancing it. Oh, and if you brothers underwear winds up in your drawer, please do not wear them. he finds that gross.
Hubby, please do not step over the clean, folded, full laundry basket at the bottom of the stairs. It will not walk up there all by itself. If there is a full basket on our bed, please empty it. You do on occasion, but did you know that my dresser drawers actually open. Nothing in there will bite, feel free to put my clothes in the drawer rather than on top of my dresser. I am at a loss for this one!
Now, if we could please just follow these simple rules, It will make my life much happier.
Sincerely,
Management
For whatever reason, you guys seem to think that there is a laundry fairy that gathers up all of the laundry and washes and puts it all away for you. Guess what, Its ME! and there are a few rules that need to be set.
Hubby, and all C's
I will not empty pockets. Hubby, you are an adult, empty your own pockets. C's minus c3, if you dont want it washed dont leave it there.
I will not turn things righside out. If you take it off inside out and I wash it inside out, you had better double check before you leave for school C3, this does not necessarilay apply. I will warn you before you leave for school cause you are little. Heck, on more than one occasion, I have warn a shirt inside out to the gym. Ask KF. I still check every day when we go into the childcare! Can you belive that people dont ever tell me! I wonder if they just laugh or are they grateful that they checked before they left the house and I didn't?
I will not remove underwear from pants. That is my most hated thing about laundry. I dont know why, but underwear that is still trapped on a pant leg gives me the heebie jeebies, so just cut it out!
Socks, oh my socks, sigh socks, god how I hate socks. Most people who know me know that twice I year I do a sock swap. I take very single sock in the house and throw it away and buy all new socks. And then for that day, every sock in the house matches up! Its such a wonderful feeling! Try it!
Laundry baskets...they are meant for clothes not toys. I hate when I dump it in and I hear a clunk. No one wants to have to dig down through the dirty laundry to the bottom to find the matchbox car or lego or what ever else you thought should go in there. Its for Laundry!
C1, please, oh please, change you underwear once in a while. I dont care if you are having a contest with you BF, its gross. At least dont tell me about it and put clean ones in the laundry so it makes me feel better.
C2, I knit all kinds of cool socks for you. It would be nice, just once in a while to actually have two matching socks in the laundry. I am not sure what you do with them, but because they are personally knit and of many different syles and colors, you cannot match them up with a different pair. Well, I guess you could. You did wear knee hi florescent stripped socks to BB on Saturday. I thought they looked great BTW.
C3. Drapery rods are not for hanging underwear on. I dont even want to know how you get them up there. They belong in the laundry. They do not belong on each and every blade of the ceiling fan. It may look cool, but you can explain to dad why the fan makes such a horrible noise and he has to keep re balancing it. Oh, and if you brothers underwear winds up in your drawer, please do not wear them. he finds that gross.
Hubby, please do not step over the clean, folded, full laundry basket at the bottom of the stairs. It will not walk up there all by itself. If there is a full basket on our bed, please empty it. You do on occasion, but did you know that my dresser drawers actually open. Nothing in there will bite, feel free to put my clothes in the drawer rather than on top of my dresser. I am at a loss for this one!
Now, if we could please just follow these simple rules, It will make my life much happier.
Sincerely,
Management
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)