A change of pace...

In light of my recent round of bitchiness...I have decided to tell a funny story...one that I was reminded of recently.  I dont think many have heard this one.

It happened about 4 yrs ago.

Having three kids, its only natural for parents to lose their minds and buy them a pet...ours was a hamster.  A master escape artist that was moved to an old fish tank to keep him from being eaten by our new puppy and because on his last escape, he chewed a huge hole in my wall.  His name was Ben.  Ben lived quite a long time in our house...about 3 yrs.  He was cute, fuzzy and smelly.  He was a riot when we put him in his ball and the dog batted him around the basement!  Oh. come on...thats just plain funny!

Well, one evening after the kids were in bed, I noticed that Ben was not in his house.  I picked him up and he as slightly cold.  Not a good sign for a hamster.  The next day when the older kids got home from school, I told them that I didn't think Ben was going to be with us much longer and perhaps they wanted to spend some time holding him.  Fist up was C1.  A very sensitive little boy who loves everything!.

So, He's sitting on the couch with Ben in his lap, sobbing, C1, not the hamster.   C1 asks if he can call the vet and ask about Ben.  Of course, this is the last think I really want to do, but being the good parent, I say sure, and dial up the vet and hand the phone over to C1.  God Bless the people at the vet.  They were so nice to C1, who was crying on the phone telling them that his hamster was dying.  Then, C1 asks if we can bring Ben to them.  DOH!  Didn't see that one coming!  All I could picture is $82 bucks out the window on a stupid dying hamster.  But, again, being the good parent, we load everyone up in the car and head out.  Now, C1 and C2 are in the way way back of the car and C1 is holding Ben in his lap crying as we are driving to the vet.  C2 is crying also and C3 who is about three years old is very excited about a train passing by.

Suddenly, C1 cries out that Ben is breathing all funny!  OH Shit!  I so do not need Ben dying in C1's lap.  And, C1 is in the way way back....I can't reach him.  So, i do the next best thing...I tell C1 to wrap Ben up in the dishtowel his is resting in and kinda toss him up to me.  Yes, I know....ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..but its all part of being a mom right!.

So now we are still driving to the vets office with C1 and C2 sobbing in the way way back, C3 shouting about a train, and me with a dying hamster in my lap!  LORDY!

We pull into the vets parking lot, and I kid you not, the damn thing dies right there and then!  I inform the kids that Ben didn't make it and I was going to go into the office and let them know.  I also figured as long as I was there, I could put up puppies heart worm meds.  So I go in and tell them thank you very much, but Ben died in their parking lot.  With that C1 comes in the door and asks if Ben is alive again.  All I could picture was them pulling out the little hamster paddles, yelling 'CLEAR' and shocking him back to live!  I almost burst out laughing.  It was horrible!  I tell C1 no, I"m sorry, Ben is still dead.  Actually, I had left Ben on the front seat of the car, just didn't tell them that.

So, now we are on our way home.....C1 and C2 are sobbing, C3 is so excited because another train is driving by and I have a DEAD hamster in my lap.

Now to add insult to injury...I must not have been paying attention to something because next thing I know there is a cop behind me with his lights on.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME!  So, I pull over, trying to figure out how to explain the sobbing children and the dead rodent in my lap.

Offices walks up to my car, I'm sure wondering about the sobbing children...look in the widow at them, C3 is now excited cause there are flashing lights behind us.  Cops looks in my window....doesn't speak, looks in the back seat, glances at the dead hamster in my lap...pauses....says, 'Good Luck' and walks away.   He must have been a dad too!  Can you just imagine what he said back at his cop house?!!!!

So, we arrive back home...C3, not getting the concept of death, wants to put Ben back in his house, the puppy wants to eat it and C1 and C2 are still sobbing.

Hubby comes home...we have a funeral.  Now, it hadn't rained for about 78 years, so the ground is like a rock.  Hubby gets our pick axe to start a hole.  C1, make a death shroud out of paper towels.  I was not burying my dishtowel!  We put Ben in the hole, and start filling with dirt.  C2 reminds hubby to leave enough room for him to breath....hubby fills hole and stops down on the top to level it out...C2 yells at him to stop because he's squishing him!

Hubby looks at me...says what's for dinner....You know how sometimes we can actually get a death ray laser look to shoot out of our eyes for certain infractions......

We had McDonalds for dinner that night.

What is my role in all this....?

As some of you, ok many of you, I dont care who knows it anymore, my husband was laid off for the second time in two years.  Hey, people in foreign companies need jobs too right. *grumble*

Maybe he should market himself as the new Extraordinaire Outsourcing Job Trainer!

But here I am again...although a little different.  Last time he was unemployed, it was summer and I had the kids to keep me active.  This time, kids are in school and he is in my house all day! AT MY KITCHEN TABLE!

So, what is my role now?  I am still mom, chauffeur, Nurse, Homework helper, Laundry Technician, etc etc etc...but now I am also The Ego stoker too.

Dont get me wrong....I do understand what he is going through..I was once laid off of my professional job.  It sucked and was embarrassing..but we had another income, so we survived.  I get it more than he knows that we are in dire straights.  Well, not quite...but in a blink of an eye, we could be living out of our car.  I think most people are in the same boat.  You can survived a month or two and then...  We can survived a bit longer than that and I have full confidence that we will be employed before we start picking out who will sleep in which car.

I digress.. again....as usual...

My husband is home.. at my kitchen table for 18 hours a day, looking for jobs.  YIPPEEE!  but it took me a week of nagging for him to get one bin down out of the attic.  Do you see my frustration here?  I know he has to look for a job and the only way we will be employed again, is for him to sit at my kitchen table for 18 hours a day looking for one...but damnit..Can you get the two bins out of the garage and put them in the attic for me.

This sounds so petty and stupid.  Did I mention that he is at my kitchen table 18 hours a day 7 days a week.  Am I asking to much...for five minutes here and there to help me with something?  Do I feel guilty for being so petty and annoyed at him for not helping me around the house when he is in the house?  I mean you heard the dryer buzz, why can't you just take 3 minutes to switch loads...I will fold it but come one.

This is petty and stupid. I am annoyed and cranky.  I swear right here and now...when my husband finds a new job, if they outsource it again, I will personally find the guy that ordered it and bitch slap him!