That is a phrase that people keep saying to me. Its over, there is nothing I can do about the past, we all survived, we are doing ok. I am getting a brand new house...bigger than before...new stuff, new furniture...I need to just move on......
It is very easy to say...and I do understand that my friends are worried about me. That I am not my good ole self. The person who is always upbeat, easygoing, carefree...blah blah blah...
I will get over it eventually, or maybe not. I do miss my old self...I do want that person back, but right now every time that person gets some time to forget about shit, to move forward, something comes along as a reminder that I am still in the shit.
Today...went to make egg salad. Haven't had it in forever. No egg slicer. Now for most of you know big deal...just smush it with a fork. EWWWW. the texture is then disgusting!!! I know, stupid right..its egg salad. But damnit...I was looking forward to it and then I couldn't eat it.
Other day, made mashed potatos and meat loaf. Had to go to my neighbors to borrow a hand mixer and meat thermometer. Last night, went to make spaghetti bake...didn't have a dish big enough to put it in.
Tonight after the game, was chilled to the bone. downloaded a movie, took a hot shower, (ssshhhh, dont tell but ate a piece of crazy bread in the shower!) and went to put my flannel sheets on my bed so I could climb in and get all cozy and warm. My sheets smell like house fire. And they were cleaned..I paid to have them cleaned and they smell like shit!
Now, I have to email the company who cleaned them, email my adjuster, set the aside, go out and buy new ones, scan the receipt, enter this information onto a new spread sheet, itemize it and then email it in to my adjuster.
Every fucking time I go to do anything, I either dont have it, cant find it, or its been returned to me but its crap!
Today we got to waste our time. We were sent by our builder to a kitchen place in Franklin Park. Now, I have never priced out an entire kitchen. I know we have been given 3200 and change for our old cabinets. I now know that that is enough money to buy a couple of milk crates and some nails to put them up on our walls. If we're really lucky, maybe we can find an old washtub and a pump to use as a sink! Why the fuck did our builder send us to a custom cabinet maker when he knows full well what the budget is for the cabinets. I feel like a fool. Here, hubby and I are picking out, not top of the line but not crap either, and now I realize this salesman who could have given a crap if we were there or not, was probably laughing at us. I am embarrassed and pissed off at the same time. We stopped at HD later, and priced cabinets. 9 grand. Again, not top of the line. So for grins and giggles, we asked for a pricing of the cheapest they had....5 grand. WTF! THE FIRE WAS NOT OUR FAULT...AT LEAST LET US REPLACE WHAT WE LOST WITH DECENT SHIT!
Want a bigger laugh...they are giving us 400 bucks to replace our counter tops. So, that's like plywood and contact paper. Even Formica is more expensive than that.
Check this out..the company that we were told to hire to clean out and inventory our house, has SCREWED IT UP BIG TIME!.
First, we find out that they should not have removed a damn thing from the house until it was all photographed and inventoried. oops.
So, I spend a month, either in my smelly house helping sort and pack up and then in the warehouse completing the inventory. I get the list of un from them and begin pricing. Turn it in to the insurance company but notice some problems. I understand that some things get missed, but there was a lot of screwing shit on this list. why would some books be un but others not when they were on the same shelf? Why would a pair of clippers be un but in the basket you could see three. why were none of my husbands toolsboxes opened up and dumped for an inventory? why were half of my mixing bowls un while the other half weren't when they were on the same shelf? I could go on and one....
So now, despite some of my friends wishes, I am going through my inventory at the warehouse again. I opened burned toolboxes and took pictures of thousands of dollars worth of tools that they were just going to throw in the dumpster. I am going through boxes of items they have cleaned to be returned to me, only to find items that are damaged by smoke, and some items that reek of smoke. items that they told me were not safe to keep, have been cleaned and put into boxes to be returned to me. Umm...didn't you tell me that these items were not safe? I have items on the un list that has already been sent to the insurance company, also on the cleaned list. How am I supposed to sort that out? My silverware drawer and junk drawers...no inventory...and they threw them out. Without permission.
So...I think that I am entitled to be pissed off...to have trouble letting go, not being able to get over it and hardly moving on. I have a cluster fuck of paperwork that I have no idea how to sort through. I am being give pennies to replace my kitchen, and I'm still cold and now I dont have my flannel sheets to snuggle down into tonight.
So guess what, I am pissed off and I dont know when I am going to be able to get over it. My fireplace might not be up to code and we might have to get rid of it. I dont know where I'm going to put my washer and dryer since the entire laundry room is not code and there is no room for everything...every day its something new....and all I wanted today, was an egg salad sandwich, a decent kitchen, and warm sheets.
I wonder what crap tomorrow will bring?
and yes mom, I cussed a lot and I'm sorry (kinda)
