I must have F*** with me on my forehead

I swear I must have  Fuck with me sign stamped on my forehead.  (yes, I know mom, I swore again)

I get that the replacing of items is a long and slow and tedious process.  I get that.  But..what I don't understand is why people must mess with me.  (there mom, I didn't say it again)  Do I look dishonest?  Have I acted that way in the past?  or now? 

I have stated from the beginning of this whole land of hell, I just want my stuff back. 

On July 30th,  I sent a list of must haves along with URL's and prices.  She said she would look to see if they could get better prices. 

August 17, yes, three weeks later, I put my bitch on.  Actually, I have my husband put his bitch on.  He calls, gives grief. 

I receive an email stating that I can purchase items on my own and in bold letter, states the monetary limits on it. 

Kitchen aid 4.5 qt mixer                 $262.11 total 

Um...ok...fine.  They will gladly order it 7-10 days for this price.  Its been three weeks already, but fine,whatever.   If I choose to buy it, I have to find it for no more than $262.11 including tax or they wont pay the difference.  *GROWL*  

Can you just feel me pulling my bitch out...

Two hours later, I get another email from the same person...stating that a store in CL has a Kitchen Aid Mixer, 5 quart(bigger size) and in bold type again, includes all attachments, for $349.00.  Go ahead and get this.

Oh, my must have list there were two attachments that I need.  This woman thinks and did not read the online ad, that the pasta roller, list price of $199.00 and the Shredder attachment, list price 49.99 is actually included.  

I am now dusting my bitch off...

I now own a mixer that I never owned before for $150 more than what I would have spent if THEY HAD JUST LET ME GO OUT AND BUY THE DAMN THING IN THE FIRST PLACE THREE WEEKS AGO.  and it does not include the attachments I need. 

Actually, this is pretty damn depressing.   If I go out and buy my mixer, and it costs $300 then they will only pay me $262.11.  Why?  I paid more than that when I bought it.  Why do I feel like I'm being punished.'

I wonder if they get kickbacks from some stores?   

If my agent gave a damn about us, which he doesn't, I would have a go between.  I dont.  He's never even called us since the fire.  But, if I'm late on a payment, I get a bright pink notice.  Maybe my next check to them should be partially burned.  

Local agent I contacted asking unofficial questions about this whole process, doesn't understand why they are giving me such a hard time.  Me neither.

I told them I need a new deep freeze.  I pick out the one I need.  She quotes 525.83.  I find it for 429.  How does she even have a job?

Her job is to find better prices and to jerk me around.  She sucks at better prices but is great at jerking me around.

Now I'm not sure what to do?  Hubby returned the mixer for me.  More to make a point than anything else.  

So, now I still dont have a mixer, still dont have a vacuum and they want to spend $100 more on my deep freeze.  

Can someone please explain to me what is going on here?

Do I call and rip heads off, Do I demand a supervisor, Do I switch agents so I can get a go between?  All options lead to more headaches.  

Sigh....I've got some zucchini that will rot soon since I cant shred them for Zucchini/Banana bread....anyone want them?

   

Where do I begin....

I know when doing a big remodeling job..or even a small one, its overwhelming.  Most of the time, just planning on is overwhelming. 

Buying new furniture for a room is stressful.  I mean what if you buy it, have it delivered, set it up, move it around a few times, and then decide its horrible. 

Today I discovered that my coffee table and two end tables are now toast.  Water damage.  I get it, no big deal.  Its a coffee table and two end tables.  They are hugely old, came from my parents house.  they have seen better days.  But now I have to replace them.  Correction, now I have to replace my ENTIRE living room.  What annoys me the most, is that it is not my choice to replace my furniture.  Replacing by choice, painting by choice, redecorating by choice is fun.  THIS IS NOT FUN. 

Let me start at the top. 

Boys room.  The beds as far as we know right now, are cleanable.  That's it.  Beds. No desks, no chairs, no shelves, heck, no stuff.  Technically, no beds, just the bunk frames.  No sheets, no pillows, no drapes, no blinds.

Our room.  Furniture is a yes as far as we know.  Already purchased a new bed.  And we will have clothes. 

Girls room.  NOTHING. That's right.  All of it gone.  She has no bed, no mattress, no desk, no chair, no lamps, nothing...zippo

Living room.  Nothing..oh wait...maybe a corner shelf
Dining room.  Table had better be salvageable!  It has smoke and water.  *fingers crossed*

Kitchen.  A couple of mixing bowls.  Literally, a couple of heavy duty glass mixing bowls. 

Family room.  Maybe the couches...but probably not.  So, one coffee table my parents gave us.

This is only the furnishing. 

Right now my house is a house of made of sticks.  There are no floors, no ceilings, no walls. 

Dont get me wrong. I LOVE redecorating.  Its my favorite thing to do in the whole world.  I love painting, getting new furniture, hanging a new picture...etc etc...

My house has been an eclectic mess since we bought it.  Half decorated from thrift stores....painted on a whim...Its taken me 15 years to make it mine.  To make it ours, to make it a home. 

How the hell am I supposed to re do this?  The house was a reflection of me, my personality, my quirks, my sense of humor(bright green bathroom!).  It took me 15 years to create that.  How am I supposed to recreate that in 6-8 months? 

I know the harsh truth...it can't be done.  It will be a house, but not quite my home.

It will be re built.  Re painted, re floored.  It will be shiny and pretty, everything brand new.  Everyone keeps telling  me how wonderful it will be.  "YOU WILL HAVE A BRAND NEW HOUSE" 

Sigh..I dont want it. 

What, how, where, when do I start?  I was planning on repainting the living room and our bedroom this year. I have no idea what color...Now, I dont have the time to really think about it.  It has to be done. 

I have to build and decorate an entire house in 6-8 months. I have to re create our HOME.  How do I rebuild my sense of warmth...the feeling that  a family lives there.  That a nutty, busy, chaotic family lives there.  To many people and pets living in to small of a house.  The mismatches furniture, painted frames, mismatched lamps, the feeling of home.  Cozy. 

It will no longer be cozy, it will be a house...not home.  It will be a long time before it becomes home.

Someone here is nuts...I hope its not me

So, now we have entered the 'Inventory your life's possessions and throw most of them away' part of AFTER THE FIRE.

This is even more frustrating than standing there with your children watching the house burn.  There are so many things out of my control, things I have to wait for other people to do, to say, to agree, to disagree, to argue about....It is possible I might lose my mind just trying to get this done. 

There are over 313 items cateloged for the garage.  That is only the items we were able to identify...that is they did not melt into a pile of goo.  For whatever reason, I have to look up each freaking item and find out a replacement cost.  Are you kidding me?

My sons Lego sets.  Well, all of the kids lego sets.  There are aprox 70 of them.  I can only prove a few of them since only C2 saved her books.  The rest were in giant boxes destined to be thrown away.  C1 and his friends sat in the warehouse for two days sorting.  Every time the identified a part of a set, they had a picture taken and wrote down the name.  Last night I spent 3 hours looking up prices and cropping pictures to put into a document showing a child at either xmas or bdays holding it up in surprise.  Plesae tell me there is a better way. 

We cataloged 32 skeins of mostly sock yarn.  Several hand dyed.  Most not having labels anymore since I buy them in hanks and then re rwind them.  How am I supposed to remember what they where, where I purchased them and how much it costs now.  How do I do this?  Am I supposed to take them to the two stores I shop at or the traveling shows..do I weight each one to calculate how much of a full skein it was?  What about the hand dyed ones.  How do I put a price on my time and effort?  How much am I worth an hour?

My knitting bag...It was a gift from my mother..its no longer made..I cannot even find a picture of it..how do I justify, other than the fact that I owned it, that it costs x amount and I need to spend x amount. 

How much is a 'pretty shell' that my daughter got for me worth?  She was 5.  I dont remember where it came from, other than her.  I'm sure she didn't buy it..hope she didn't steal  it,but it was a gift.  How do I put a price on that. 

A  seam ripper.  Do I really have to look up the replacement cost of that?  A plastic tape measure that rolls up?  A small porcelin dish I bought at the Trail of History.  I dont have a recipt.  I cant even remember how much I paid for it?  Half used package of green tissue paper.  Box of staples, leather belt, a wii game, coffee mug, camera case, one candle, blue candy bowl, metal vase, box of envelopes, candle holder, picture frame, metal planter, wood bowl, baby shoes, little wooden owl, 2 tea cups, glass vase, antique car, porcelin bank..half a box of plastic forks, half a bottle of suave shampoo, Pledge, a million unsharpened pencils, screwdrivers, melted fishing poles, melted tackle boxes, possibly 12+ hot dog trays(they melted into a lump)...I could go on forever.  I had a bag of 100 tea lights.  Probably 50 left.  I bought them two or three years ago....how do I put a value on that.  How much did I pay, from where and how much to replace...

Everything that is deemed unsalvagable, I am supposed to write up on their personal property inventory customer worksheek, or type it on line.  Them I am supposed to research it, and find a replacement cost.  There are also spots to list where I bought it and how old the item is.  Ummm..My baby shoes..bought 40something years ago...I dont know how much to replace them since they are no longer made!

How much is my time worth versus how much is my stuff worth?  Am I expected to put my life on hold, my familes life on hold, put my children through more than they have already been through just so I can get 1.50 for a 'pretty shell' my daughter bought me..or a buck for the wooden owl that my son saved up two days for to buy from a thrift store for me. 

Why do they do this to us?  To anyone who has suffered such a loss.  Haven't we suffered enough...We have lost 95% of our personal  belongings.  They kids have lost almost everything.  And now I have to put my life and their lives on hold so I can put a value on it?  How can I do that?  Why do they do that..I know why...cause most people wont research every last item...wont look at receipts...wont question the cleaners when they say its 6625.94 to clean all of our items.  I am more than willling to go to the warehouse down town to prove I DONT own 12 backpacks!  Most people dont look...they say clean it..I say...the drapes for the boys room I got on sale at Target for 8 bucks.  Please dont charge me 32 to clean them. 

Problem is though, if I rock the boat...yell or demand a solution...then things will either slow down or who knows what.  Paperwork will start getting lost?  Hell, my own SF agent who we have had for 15 years never even called to acknowledge our loss.  He is so FIRED!  But I cant do it now...it might makes waves.

GUESS WHAT SF...THIS IS MY LIFE...I WANT IT BACK...EXACTLY THE WAY IT WAS.  I WANT MY STUFF BACK, BROKEN CHIPPED, MISSING PIECES...CAUSE IT WAS MINE.  YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO FORCE ME TO PUT MY LIFE ON HOLD TO PROVE THAT A SHELL MY DAUGHTER GAVE ME WHEN SHE WAS LITTLE IS WORTH SOMETHING. ITS WORTH THE WORLD TO ME..YOU CANNOT WRITE ME A CHECK TO MAKE IT BETTER...ITS GONE...I CANNOT TURN BACK THE CLOCK 7 YEARS AND RELIVE THAT MOMENT.  AND NOW I DONT HAVE THAT SHELL, OR THAT OWL, OR THAT HAND MADE CLAY HANDPRINT...AND YOU WANT ME TO LOOK ON EBAY TO TRY TO FIND IT SO I CAN PUT A VALUE ON IT.

Later this week, I get to go to the warehouse and look at all of the hand made xmas ornaments I've had since I was a kid. Made by the elders of my dad's family as place settings.  They cannot be salvaged.  What is the cost of a pair of skis made out of popsicle sticks, hand painted and glued together with ski poles with my name on it from 1982.  Or the Holmes for the Holidays ornaments?  The hand painted light up xmas tree ornaments?  How do I place an value on an un replaceable item?

Why do I have to prove my life to them?  Why do they make me feel like I'm trying to steal something...trying to get something better than what I had.

Why do I have to prove my worth to a bunch of strangers?