I have decided to plan for the future

I have decided to have my mid life crisis now. Why wait and be surprised. Why not plan it out.
Honey, I am going to have my mid life crisis now. I am going to buy a Nano..I'm going to work out and i'm going to eat ice cream (hang on a second) (now I have ice cream). I am going to panic over nothing, yell at people for no reason and contemplate life. Wait...

that sounds like PMS. Oh well..

So..that is my plan. See, i'm gonna be 40 next year. In my mind, big freaking deal, but, other people seem to make a big deal over it, so i'm gonig to jump on the band wagon. Aren't there even books written about it? Wait..let me google.

Ok, I googled turning 40 and in .16 seconds returned over 32million hits. So, it must be a big deal.

For me, not so much. It is a milestone...but more like, its another day close to death. Gosh..that does sound morbid doesn't it. Ok...let me try to explain or i'll have my mother calling me yelling at me again.

Aveage lifespan of a woman...who the hell cares. Lets say its 80 years old unless I get hit by a bus tomorrow, then it would have been 39. Up until this point, I have more days to live. After sometime in November, I will have less days to live. Does that make sense.

Dont get me wrong...i am not the type to dwell on stupid stuff like this. I really dont care all that much. I look forward to growing older. I already have the granny glasses for reading...the ones with the cute chain on them. Trust me, they look adorable. I cherish all of my wrinkles (cept butt ones, i mean really!!) I refuse to waste my money on anti wrinkle cream. Let the come and get me! I welcome them with open arms. To me, they say...look at me world..I have lived my life and enjoyed every second of it. I have laughed until my face is permanently etched with lines...I have squinted at the sun so much, I look like Clint Eastwood! ewwww...

My body....well...its wrinkly too :) I limp from to much skiing and digging in the dirt as an archaeologist. My shoulder pains me from living in the fast lane(ok...I was at a stop light when I got hit, fine, crush the image) and knitting. My butt...grows wider from to much ice cream and has wrinkles that dont belong there.. Luckily its on the back of me and I cannot see it. My front...well...gravity sucks, but I hearby pledge to at least keep them from flopping around my bellybutton. I praise the effects of the sports bra. Now instead of flooppy twosome..I have on big squish! ROFLMAO The rest of me, who the hell cares. If you dont like it, dont look! Which is why I haven't seen myself naked since I was three!

Ok...this has gotten way off track and my ice cream is melting!

My pledge as I totter towards middle age and beyond.....

I hearby vow to quit smoking. I will not be a smoker when I turn 40. For those of you who didn't know and just gasped in shock...hush..I dont want to hear about it.

And My second and only other vow..to get in shape before I turn 40. LORD NO, THAT DOES NOT MEAN FITNESS MODEL IN SHAPE. I mean, my crappy skiing/archeological knees hurt with a few extra pounds, so I'm gonna shed them. Course, doesn't help that I just ate ice cream, oh and before that a snickers bar. Sigh..i'm going about this all wrong. Oh well.

I'm gonna live it, eat it, listen to it, yell about it, cry about it, curse about it, (yes mom, I curse) and enjoy every second of it. And keep up with my two vows. Lets see what happens after november, shall we >:)

I could kill my husband and no jury.....

Reason number 46 of how I could kill my husband and no jury with at least one married mom on it would convict me.


I am on my hands and knees (no not that) cleaning out my fridge with $300 worth of groceries all over the place, dogs sniffing in the bags and c3 eating all of the cheese sticks.

I know, I could have waited to clean out the fridge, but it was so empty and it made it look HORRIBLE!.

So...I grab my hose for my vacuum...yes the new DYSON and start by cleaning up the crumbs...makes it a lot easier right? So...Hubby, who is working from home...comes up behind me and says....Shouldn't you use a sponge?

Now I, I think, like most people have several personalities. Well....the most sarcastic of all of my personalities came climbing out on top for this one..

I turned, still on the floor, wondering what is the world is this very thin jelly like substance I have just scraped with a putty knife out of the bottom of the fridge...and replied...

(if you have ever heard me speak with this personality, image it)

REALLY???? And to think...all of these years, I've been doing it wrong. Thank you so much for being a part of my life and explaining to my simple mind how these complicated things work.

sigh......

To hell with you old vacuum that mocked me while I tried to pick up the crud. You are out.

Today I helped the economy and purchased a Dyson. Of course, I did it with some of my tax refund, so I dont know if that counts?

And I got a 75$ target gift card to boot! So I vacuumed and could not believe how much stuff it picked up and I just did the carpet yesterday! What does that say about the old pos. AND...nothing jumped at me and laughed. The little pieces of crud went bye bye. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAH. I wonder what else I can vacuum today?

Top things to do to make mom HAPPY

All we really want is peace and quiet and and happy. Is that really so much to ask. Apparently it is.

So..here is my list of things to do to make me happy

DO NOT ARGUE WITH ME THE SECOND YOU WALK IN THE DOOR. (at least take your jacket off first)

NO MEANS NO. Stomping up and down, flailing your arms, does that do anything?, and whining will not make me say yes.

If you are sitting in the chair because I am ready to strangle you, do not repeat, mom can I get up now 100 times.

Yes..the above three just happened about 5 minutes ago, in that order!

If I am on the phone, do not come and ask me stupid questions. I hate doing the damnit i'm on the phone dance. Dont pretend you dont know what I'm talking about. Its where we throw our one free arm up and down while stamping our feet to get them to shut up and go away.

DO NOT PUT ANYTHING IN THE TOILET THAT DOES NOT COME OUT OF YOUR BODY.
I dont think that needs any explaniation.

He's actually asking me yet again if he can get up and then sighing loudly. WHATEVER DUDE.

if you have had a bad day at school, please do not get in the car and start by saying, I dont want to talk about it, but then yell at everyone in the car. That privilage, of punishing the innocent cause you are in a bad mood, is reserved for parents only!

LAUNDRY BASKETS ARE FOR DIRTY LAUNDRY! my husband is even guilty of this one...like opening the freaking closet door to put the socks in would be so much trouble. You are right, its extra work, leave them outside of the closed door!

Lift to pee, put it down when you are done and THE BATHTUB IS NOT FOR PEEING!

Dont ask, 'why are you not listening to me' I can hear you..I am choosing to ignore you and no you cannot get up yet.

DONT ASK WHY!!!!!

DONT CALL 911. especially if the house is a mess and I have not showered yet!

Ok...its somewhat quiet again. Which means I dont know where any, well I do know where one of child is, sighing heavily behind me still sitting, but the rest of the kids are blissfully quiet. Which means that they are zoned out to the television. Guilty mom feeling yes, gonna do anything about it? NOOOOOO!!!!!!

Day Two: Mom alone 10:16am

Ok..First night great. My big dog kept me company part of last night. He climbed up in bed with me and I found him breathing on my neck. Had to kick him off. Was to annoying

I kinda got to sleep in this morning. Phone rang right after I woke up. C2 was missing me. Was kinda cute. A little annoying that I had to get up and find the phone. But I get it.

So...Today, I made myself eggs for breakfast..OhOh. I discovered that if you leave the kitchen clean at night, its still clean in the morning!!!! That is, if there is no husband to spill coffee on the counter and has no time to clean it up and the kids are still asleep.

I left a glass on the counter...it was mine! and it was still there..and I had no one to blame but myself! It was AWESOME

So, I ate breakfast...oh...Wait.. I showered. Alone! No the kids dont come in the shower with me but they ask me questions, or let the dogs in so I have doggie noses peeking around the shower curtain. Once, C3 brought me a jar of pickles. I guess he was hungry. (my Sister just im'd me that I have a typo in my title and she is demanding I fix it) The funniest part, was that I forgot to take them back downstairs. Next morning, my husband comes in the bedroom holding a jar of pickes he had retrieved from the shower. The look was priceless!

So..I showered, got dressed, made my bed(I have to make my bed every morning. I'm sure my mom just fainted) made breakfast, got the paper and ate my breakfast hot! I actually burned my tounge. I didn't realize that eggs were hot when you took them off of stove.

So...now I am working and updating my Blog. I have to go to the Library, KP's house and then out with MP to run some errands.

I have realized something though. Even though there are no kids here...I feel stressed out. Hurried to enjoy my quiet time. Quick, run those errands so I can sit quiet before the kids show up. I think I need to slow down. I took up knitting to teach me patience...which it has..but now I have to learn to slow down. I wonder if this weekend will help me.

I seem to always be in a hurry..hurry make breakfast so I can eat it hot. quick get downstairs before the kids start fighting..quick get laundry done before I start work, quick finish work cause C3 has to get to school. Quick finish laundry and get it put away. Quick, what is for dinner, Quick knit before I have to pick up C2, C3, NC2, NC3. Quick start homework, quick finish dinner, Quick put dinner on the table ( how close is it till bedtime and my own time?) Quick get kids gets bathed, Quick argue with kids about bedtime...like it will work, Quick clean up kitchen pack lunches, quick, shove children into bed, quick stall husbands advances....afterall I have been running and needed all day..I dont want to be needed right now! Quick! sit down relax before bed, but do it quickly its almost bed time.

I have to many quicks in my house, to many hurry ups. So..I have three free days, but I feel as though I have to hurry through them...quick they will be home on Sunday.

I wonder how one learns to slow down. how can you? Life might not be there tomorrow. Why am I so selfish and jealous about my own time? Why am I always running? Why, as I type this do I feel rushed to get it done so I can go do other things?

You can learn a foreign language in an hour, make millions in just one month, cook a comlete dinner for a family of 5 in under 5 minutes, but cannot seem to slow down enough to enjoy any of it?

Friday Night 9:30pm cst

Well...Its 9:30. I have knitted the night away. I find it very odd. Around 9, I looked at the clock and thought, damn I have to make lunches etc...then quickly realized, I don't.

Its rather odd. Its nice....but odd. I think I have come to expect to be needed all the time. Does that make sense? Is that why when the kids go away to college there is the empty nest syndrome? Because after 18+ years of service, we are no longer needed on a daily basis? Think about it, we are, servants its not the right term, mom's (damn close) for 18+years of our lives. We do everything for them. From the day they are born till (my mom says never) they move out give or take, we are there for them.

Phone rings from school, forgotten lunch, we jump in the car. Stuck on a math problem, we put down our knitting :) and help. Need a snack for tomorrow, told at 930 at night, we run to Jewel.

We are at their beckon call ( within reason) 24x7 365 days a year, (give or take -3 for me) for 18 years, at least. Wait, I need a calculator....

6570 days
157680 hours of our lives devoted to the care and needs of those little monsters(said with love of course)

Oh and that is per kid mind you. If you have more than one, each day takes a lot longer to get through than the standard 24 hours. Ask any mom!

We get used to this feeling. We dont always like it, we get annoyed at it, we want quiet time, we want to change our names....but we miss it when its gone? What the hell is wrong with me! ROFL.

So, here I sit. I dont have to plan my day tomorrow. I will eventually have to get out of bed to let the dogs out or wind up having to run the steam cleaner over the carpet. I can do what I want for myself. No making breakfast, shouting about shoes(dont cringe or be shocked, we all shout about shoes and socks before school, no matter how perfect you thinkyou are, you have done it), brushing teeth, hanging up the damn towel in the bathroom, what am I, your maid???.

I get to live for myself and no one else tomorrow....I wonder what the kids are doing right now?

My weekend alone First Night 2/12/2009 6:30pm

It has begun. at aprox 5:38cst my husband and my three children loaded up in the SUV with the trailer attached and left the driveway. They will not return until sometime Sunday mid morning/afternoon.

If they drove my husband nuts, mid morning...if they had a great time..mid afternoon.

So..What am I to do with myself. I thought I would keep a record of what I have done this weekend.

So far, I straightened up the house, I should vacuum but ...see vacuum post... I dont want to.

I fed the dogs, made myself egg salad AND cleaned up after myself..See...It can be done. It is possible to make dinner and wash the dishes and put them away. And my husband thought it couldn't be done.

Oh...I ran a quick load of wash..C3 fell asleep on the chair downstairs last night at 6pm and had an accident. Not like I didn't ask my husband 4 times to take him upstairs and put him to bed, hence taking him potty. So..I am washing the blanket he was wrapped up in, courtesy of C2..see she can be nice when she wants to.

I have knitted. I am knitting a sweater for who ever it fits. It might be for C3 but I am making it for C2. I always knit smaller than it is supposed to be. Although I checked the gauge and its perfect. For those who have no clue, dont worry about it.

Its now 6:50pm cst. I plan on putting my dishes in the dishwasher..checking facebook and twitter again...maybe working but Sister1 needs to fix something for me *poke* before I can work.

I do NOT plan on turning on the tv until the simpsons comes on at 10:35. Why the hell they moved it form 10pm to 10:35. Do we really need 95 minutes of news. The news starts at 9pm. Goes till 10pm. then from 10 to 10:35, they freaking recap. GOOD GOD..

So...That is my plan.

Stay tuned for more updates. I'm gonna go potty, and resume knitting while listening to Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Crap...washing machine is dancing again