I was just re reading my blog postings from fire day on...Yes, I know, depressing, crying, sad, horrifying...but enlightening. I realized there are a lot of little details missing. So, I am going to start at part 1...More for myself...to help me remember, so I dont forget the little details...So as we heal, I will always remember one of the darkest days of my, of our lives.
Lets start on July 18, 9pm. It was a very hot night..I was very cranky and felt cruddy since mother nature decided to give me my little gift. Yippee!
I was sitting under the newly obtained and modified candle chandelier I had purchased for $5.00 at a thrift store. (sshhhhh...dont tell my insurance company I only paid $5 bucks for it) (KIDDING). I had been knitting, of course, but it was HOT! The kids had begged and begged me for a fire that night, but I said no. Get this...I distinctly remember telling that it was to hot and to dangerous. We had not had rain in such a long time, that it would be to dangerous to have one. If an ember from the fire put floated up and landed somewhere that we didn't notice, we could...wait for it....BURN DOWN SOMEONES HOUSE! Yes, that's right...I actually told the kids that.
I remember sitting out back under my beautiful pergola waiting for my candles to burn themselves out. They were nubs anyway. So once they were out and yes, I checked them, and no there were none other lit, oh wait, yes there were. I had to in modified hanging lights, now turned into standing lights over by the walkway. I blew those out too. I can prove it, it was the other side of the house that caught fire!
I went in after giving C1 permission to stay up all night. We were getting up at 3am because he was to catch a 4am bus heading to Boundry Waters. I figured, why should he sleep. I, however, went to bed. C1 was quite mad at himself for going to bed. He was going to stay up till 3 but was to tired. He said, if only he had stayed awake, he might have seen it earlier than it was caught...saved the house...etc etc..
I set the alarm on my phone, cause I didn't own an alarm clock any more for 3am. And I always keep my phone on my night stand. See, we only have one phone in our house. Its attached to the wall in the kitchen. I figure that if someone ever tries to break in, (yeah right, in this neighborhood?) I can call 911. Course, my dogs would eat them first but oh well. And cause I need to check FB before I go to bed and its the first thing I check when I wake up :)
So. Hubby and I are woken up by the loudest pounding I've ever heard in my life. Have you ever been trapped in road construction where the giant machine is pounding giant poles into the ground? It was like that, but louder. Hubby ran out of bed and I grabbed my phone. Honest, it was only to look at the time. the time was 1:10am. In my sleepy mind, I thought we had overslept and that this was someone from the bus looking for us.
I dont hear anyone but my hubby now...I hear him ask very very quizzically, my house is on fire? I didn't even hear the dogs barking. they had to be right? they bark at a leaf flying by. Hubby said something else, but neither him nor I remember what.
I fly out of bed, no phone or glasses. I run to C2's room. Open the door and while holding on the door handle start screaming, 'GET UP GET UP GET UP, THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE, RUN RUN RUN. ' C2 later asked me why I didn't come into her room to wake her up. I told her that I didn't know what was on fire. I didn't know if I had the time to walk the three steps into her room to wake her or not. there was no smell of smoke inside the house at this time, no obvious signs of fire. No sounds, no smell, we had power. Heck these boys could have been high or something (BWAHAHAHAH) and been pulling our legs, except for what ever my husband said after he opened the door.
I remember, beating on C2's door, screaming, thinking this a nightmare...this is not real..this is not happening..I am not telling my children to run because the house is on fire...this is a joke...
Then I ran to the boys room where I did the same thing. I saw C1 sit up..he's in the top bunk. So C2 was up and C1 was up. I ran back to my room, grabbed my glasses and phone and ran back to the boys room. See c3 sleeps like the dead. I only know that I ran back and grabbed my glasses and phone...
**I find out two days later...my neighbor behind me, Mr Bill, had been tossing and turning in his sleep because it was to bright in his bedroom. He thought we had left the outside spots on. Finally, he gets up and looks out the window to see our house on fire. He calls my cell, I didn't even know he had my cell number, and that is the exact time I ran back to get it. When I picked it up I must have answered it. He starts screaming, get out of the house...hears me yelling run run run. He knows we are safe, he hangs up calls 911, they say its been reported. The, Mr. Bill, a retired insurance recovery specialist, takes pictures of my house on fire! AWESOME!
I actually dont remember doing it. I dont remember seeing the kids run past me, I dont remember putting shoes on, I dont remember anything until I get downstairs.
I know they are out, I would have never left the 2nd floor if there were not...did I actually double check? Did I see them? Did I hear them? I have no idea.
I did find out later that C1 who shares a room with C3 actually lept out of the top bunk and woke up C3. C3 told me that C1 grabbed him and didn't yell or scream, but stated loudly, 'dude we gotta run, the house is on fire'. C3 then apologized as he reported to me that he said 'holy shit'. I told C3 that if there was ever an appropriate time to say that, it was then.
So, I get downstairs, I'm at the bottom of the stairs, I dont remember actually looking out the back door. I wonder if I stood there and stared, or did I just glance as I ran past? I have no idea.
I get to the bottom of the stairs, I see the grass on fire..not on fire but on FIRE. Big difference. I see a wall of fire, but I dont smell smoke, I dont see smoke. I dont feel heat. I HEAR the fire. I hear a pop and sizzle and something else but I dont know what. Isn't it funny, that after a month and a half I can still remember it like it was yesterday.
I turn to go to the front door...its only about three steps from the stairs. Now, we've all talked about what we would save if there was a house fire. Family albums, wedding picture, grandmas silver...we hubby and I always joked about a newspaper I have. Its professionally framed hanging right there between the stairs and the door. Its an authentic New York Post, April 15, 1865 reporting the assassination of Lincoln. Get this...as I was running towards the door, I actually thought to myself, I should grab that, it would be funny! Honest, I did...then I thought, no that would be in bad taste. How odd..how did I have such a long conversation with myself in a nano second?
I get to the door, its crowded but I dont know why at the time. Big dog, cooper is there, I throw him out...smaller dog(ha, 80lbs) Molly panics and runs back inside..now I remember why its crowded..one of the boys who saved out lives, is behind me...grabs her and runs her past me outside.
I stop at the doorway..I now know that the outside of the house is on fire, the back...I think, if its safe, I should grab car keys to get the cars out of the driveway...They keys are in the kitchen about 7 steps away...(I have short legs). Kitchen lights are on, I can find them easy. I turn to go grab them, I look up kinda towards my dining room table? and see waves of white smoke pouring in. It looked like a cloud? like cotton candy. I'm pretty sure it was white though. I wonder why it wasn't black..but it was white? I think? It didn't rush in, it just kind of wafted in. I could have grabbed my car keys, I could see, it was not a lot of smoke, but, smartly, I said no way...and ran outside......
Enough for now...probably wont be able to sleep tonight now....and this is long enough....
another day...Part 2...the scene from across the street
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Sunday, August 19, 2012
I must have F*** with me on my forehead
I swear I must have Fuck with me sign stamped on my forehead. (yes, I know mom, I swore again)
I get that the replacing of items is a long and slow and tedious process. I get that. But..what I don't understand is why people must mess with me. (there mom, I didn't say it again) Do I look dishonest? Have I acted that way in the past? or now?
I have stated from the beginning of this whole land of hell, I just want my stuff back.
On July 30th, I sent a list of must haves along with URL's and prices. She said she would look to see if they could get better prices.
August 17, yes, three weeks later, I put my bitch on. Actually, I have my husband put his bitch on. He calls, gives grief.
I receive an email stating that I can purchase items on my own and in bold letter, states the monetary limits on it.
Kitchen aid 4.5 qt mixer
$262.11 total
Um...ok...fine. They will gladly order it 7-10 days for this price. Its been three weeks already, but fine,whatever. If I choose to buy it, I have to find it for no more than $262.11 including tax or they wont pay the difference. *GROWL*
Can you just feel me pulling my bitch out...
Two hours later, I get another email from the same person...stating that a store in CL has a Kitchen Aid Mixer, 5 quart(bigger size) and in bold type again, includes all attachments, for $349.00. Go ahead and get this.
Oh, my must have list there were two attachments that I need. This woman thinks and did not read the online ad, that the pasta roller, list price of $199.00 and the Shredder attachment, list price 49.99 is actually included.
I am now dusting my bitch off...
I now own a mixer that I never owned before for $150 more than what I would have spent if THEY HAD JUST LET ME GO OUT AND BUY THE DAMN THING IN THE FIRST PLACE THREE WEEKS AGO. and it does not include the attachments I need.
Actually, this is pretty damn depressing. If I go out and buy my mixer, and it costs $300 then they will only pay me $262.11. Why? I paid more than that when I bought it. Why do I feel like I'm being punished.'
I wonder if they get kickbacks from some stores?
If my agent gave a damn about us, which he doesn't, I would have a go between. I dont. He's never even called us since the fire. But, if I'm late on a payment, I get a bright pink notice. Maybe my next check to them should be partially burned.
Local agent I contacted asking unofficial questions about this whole process, doesn't understand why they are giving me such a hard time. Me neither.
I told them I need a new deep freeze. I pick out the one I need. She quotes 525.83. I find it for 429. How does she even have a job?
Her job is to find better prices and to jerk me around. She sucks at better prices but is great at jerking me around.
Now I'm not sure what to do? Hubby returned the mixer for me. More to make a point than anything else.
So, now I still dont have a mixer, still dont have a vacuum and they want to spend $100 more on my deep freeze.
Can someone please explain to me what is going on here?
Do I call and rip heads off, Do I demand a supervisor, Do I switch agents so I can get a go between? All options lead to more headaches.
Sigh....I've got some zucchini that will rot soon since I cant shred them for Zucchini/Banana bread....anyone want them?
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Where do I begin....
I know when doing a big remodeling job..or even a small one, its overwhelming. Most of the time, just planning on is overwhelming.
Buying new furniture for a room is stressful. I mean what if you buy it, have it delivered, set it up, move it around a few times, and then decide its horrible.
Today I discovered that my coffee table and two end tables are now toast. Water damage. I get it, no big deal. Its a coffee table and two end tables. They are hugely old, came from my parents house. they have seen better days. But now I have to replace them. Correction, now I have to replace my ENTIRE living room. What annoys me the most, is that it is not my choice to replace my furniture. Replacing by choice, painting by choice, redecorating by choice is fun. THIS IS NOT FUN.
Let me start at the top.
Boys room. The beds as far as we know right now, are cleanable. That's it. Beds. No desks, no chairs, no shelves, heck, no stuff. Technically, no beds, just the bunk frames. No sheets, no pillows, no drapes, no blinds.
Our room. Furniture is a yes as far as we know. Already purchased a new bed. And we will have clothes.
Girls room. NOTHING. That's right. All of it gone. She has no bed, no mattress, no desk, no chair, no lamps, nothing...zippo
Living room. Nothing..oh wait...maybe a corner shelf
Dining room. Table had better be salvageable! It has smoke and water. *fingers crossed*
Kitchen. A couple of mixing bowls. Literally, a couple of heavy duty glass mixing bowls.
Family room. Maybe the couches...but probably not. So, one coffee table my parents gave us.
This is only the furnishing.
Right now my house is a house of made of sticks. There are no floors, no ceilings, no walls.
Dont get me wrong. I LOVE redecorating. Its my favorite thing to do in the whole world. I love painting, getting new furniture, hanging a new picture...etc etc...
My house has been an eclectic mess since we bought it. Half decorated from thrift stores....painted on a whim...Its taken me 15 years to make it mine. To make it ours, to make it a home.
How the hell am I supposed to re do this? The house was a reflection of me, my personality, my quirks, my sense of humor(bright green bathroom!). It took me 15 years to create that. How am I supposed to recreate that in 6-8 months?
I know the harsh truth...it can't be done. It will be a house, but not quite my home.
It will be re built. Re painted, re floored. It will be shiny and pretty, everything brand new. Everyone keeps telling me how wonderful it will be. "YOU WILL HAVE A BRAND NEW HOUSE"
Sigh..I dont want it.
What, how, where, when do I start? I was planning on repainting the living room and our bedroom this year. I have no idea what color...Now, I dont have the time to really think about it. It has to be done.
I have to build and decorate an entire house in 6-8 months. I have to re create our HOME. How do I rebuild my sense of warmth...the feeling that a family lives there. That a nutty, busy, chaotic family lives there. To many people and pets living in to small of a house. The mismatches furniture, painted frames, mismatched lamps, the feeling of home. Cozy.
It will no longer be cozy, it will be a house...not home. It will be a long time before it becomes home.
Buying new furniture for a room is stressful. I mean what if you buy it, have it delivered, set it up, move it around a few times, and then decide its horrible.
Today I discovered that my coffee table and two end tables are now toast. Water damage. I get it, no big deal. Its a coffee table and two end tables. They are hugely old, came from my parents house. they have seen better days. But now I have to replace them. Correction, now I have to replace my ENTIRE living room. What annoys me the most, is that it is not my choice to replace my furniture. Replacing by choice, painting by choice, redecorating by choice is fun. THIS IS NOT FUN.
Let me start at the top.
Boys room. The beds as far as we know right now, are cleanable. That's it. Beds. No desks, no chairs, no shelves, heck, no stuff. Technically, no beds, just the bunk frames. No sheets, no pillows, no drapes, no blinds.
Our room. Furniture is a yes as far as we know. Already purchased a new bed. And we will have clothes.
Girls room. NOTHING. That's right. All of it gone. She has no bed, no mattress, no desk, no chair, no lamps, nothing...zippo
Living room. Nothing..oh wait...maybe a corner shelf
Dining room. Table had better be salvageable! It has smoke and water. *fingers crossed*
Kitchen. A couple of mixing bowls. Literally, a couple of heavy duty glass mixing bowls.
Family room. Maybe the couches...but probably not. So, one coffee table my parents gave us.
This is only the furnishing.
Right now my house is a house of made of sticks. There are no floors, no ceilings, no walls.
Dont get me wrong. I LOVE redecorating. Its my favorite thing to do in the whole world. I love painting, getting new furniture, hanging a new picture...etc etc...
My house has been an eclectic mess since we bought it. Half decorated from thrift stores....painted on a whim...Its taken me 15 years to make it mine. To make it ours, to make it a home.
How the hell am I supposed to re do this? The house was a reflection of me, my personality, my quirks, my sense of humor(bright green bathroom!). It took me 15 years to create that. How am I supposed to recreate that in 6-8 months?
I know the harsh truth...it can't be done. It will be a house, but not quite my home.
It will be re built. Re painted, re floored. It will be shiny and pretty, everything brand new. Everyone keeps telling me how wonderful it will be. "YOU WILL HAVE A BRAND NEW HOUSE"
Sigh..I dont want it.
What, how, where, when do I start? I was planning on repainting the living room and our bedroom this year. I have no idea what color...Now, I dont have the time to really think about it. It has to be done.
I have to build and decorate an entire house in 6-8 months. I have to re create our HOME. How do I rebuild my sense of warmth...the feeling that a family lives there. That a nutty, busy, chaotic family lives there. To many people and pets living in to small of a house. The mismatches furniture, painted frames, mismatched lamps, the feeling of home. Cozy.
It will no longer be cozy, it will be a house...not home. It will be a long time before it becomes home.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Someone here is nuts...I hope its not me
So, now we have entered the 'Inventory your life's possessions and throw most of them away' part of AFTER THE FIRE.
This is even more frustrating than standing there with your children watching the house burn. There are so many things out of my control, things I have to wait for other people to do, to say, to agree, to disagree, to argue about....It is possible I might lose my mind just trying to get this done.
There are over 313 items cateloged for the garage. That is only the items we were able to identify...that is they did not melt into a pile of goo. For whatever reason, I have to look up each freaking item and find out a replacement cost. Are you kidding me?
My sons Lego sets. Well, all of the kids lego sets. There are aprox 70 of them. I can only prove a few of them since only C2 saved her books. The rest were in giant boxes destined to be thrown away. C1 and his friends sat in the warehouse for two days sorting. Every time the identified a part of a set, they had a picture taken and wrote down the name. Last night I spent 3 hours looking up prices and cropping pictures to put into a document showing a child at either xmas or bdays holding it up in surprise. Plesae tell me there is a better way.
We cataloged 32 skeins of mostly sock yarn. Several hand dyed. Most not having labels anymore since I buy them in hanks and then re rwind them. How am I supposed to remember what they where, where I purchased them and how much it costs now. How do I do this? Am I supposed to take them to the two stores I shop at or the traveling shows..do I weight each one to calculate how much of a full skein it was? What about the hand dyed ones. How do I put a price on my time and effort? How much am I worth an hour?
My knitting bag...It was a gift from my mother..its no longer made..I cannot even find a picture of it..how do I justify, other than the fact that I owned it, that it costs x amount and I need to spend x amount.
How much is a 'pretty shell' that my daughter got for me worth? She was 5. I dont remember where it came from, other than her. I'm sure she didn't buy it..hope she didn't steal it,but it was a gift. How do I put a price on that.
A seam ripper. Do I really have to look up the replacement cost of that? A plastic tape measure that rolls up? A small porcelin dish I bought at the Trail of History. I dont have a recipt. I cant even remember how much I paid for it? Half used package of green tissue paper. Box of staples, leather belt, a wii game, coffee mug, camera case, one candle, blue candy bowl, metal vase, box of envelopes, candle holder, picture frame, metal planter, wood bowl, baby shoes, little wooden owl, 2 tea cups, glass vase, antique car, porcelin bank..half a box of plastic forks, half a bottle of suave shampoo, Pledge, a million unsharpened pencils, screwdrivers, melted fishing poles, melted tackle boxes, possibly 12+ hot dog trays(they melted into a lump)...I could go on forever. I had a bag of 100 tea lights. Probably 50 left. I bought them two or three years ago....how do I put a value on that. How much did I pay, from where and how much to replace...
Everything that is deemed unsalvagable, I am supposed to write up on their personal property inventory customer worksheek, or type it on line. Them I am supposed to research it, and find a replacement cost. There are also spots to list where I bought it and how old the item is. Ummm..My baby shoes..bought 40something years ago...I dont know how much to replace them since they are no longer made!
How much is my time worth versus how much is my stuff worth? Am I expected to put my life on hold, my familes life on hold, put my children through more than they have already been through just so I can get 1.50 for a 'pretty shell' my daughter bought me..or a buck for the wooden owl that my son saved up two days for to buy from a thrift store for me.
Why do they do this to us? To anyone who has suffered such a loss. Haven't we suffered enough...We have lost 95% of our personal belongings. They kids have lost almost everything. And now I have to put my life and their lives on hold so I can put a value on it? How can I do that? Why do they do that..I know why...cause most people wont research every last item...wont look at receipts...wont question the cleaners when they say its 6625.94 to clean all of our items. I am more than willling to go to the warehouse down town to prove I DONT own 12 backpacks! Most people dont look...they say clean it..I say...the drapes for the boys room I got on sale at Target for 8 bucks. Please dont charge me 32 to clean them.
Problem is though, if I rock the boat...yell or demand a solution...then things will either slow down or who knows what. Paperwork will start getting lost? Hell, my own SF agent who we have had for 15 years never even called to acknowledge our loss. He is so FIRED! But I cant do it now...it might makes waves.
GUESS WHAT SF...THIS IS MY LIFE...I WANT IT BACK...EXACTLY THE WAY IT WAS. I WANT MY STUFF BACK, BROKEN CHIPPED, MISSING PIECES...CAUSE IT WAS MINE. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO FORCE ME TO PUT MY LIFE ON HOLD TO PROVE THAT A SHELL MY DAUGHTER GAVE ME WHEN SHE WAS LITTLE IS WORTH SOMETHING. ITS WORTH THE WORLD TO ME..YOU CANNOT WRITE ME A CHECK TO MAKE IT BETTER...ITS GONE...I CANNOT TURN BACK THE CLOCK 7 YEARS AND RELIVE THAT MOMENT. AND NOW I DONT HAVE THAT SHELL, OR THAT OWL, OR THAT HAND MADE CLAY HANDPRINT...AND YOU WANT ME TO LOOK ON EBAY TO TRY TO FIND IT SO I CAN PUT A VALUE ON IT.
Later this week, I get to go to the warehouse and look at all of the hand made xmas ornaments I've had since I was a kid. Made by the elders of my dad's family as place settings. They cannot be salvaged. What is the cost of a pair of skis made out of popsicle sticks, hand painted and glued together with ski poles with my name on it from 1982. Or the Holmes for the Holidays ornaments? The hand painted light up xmas tree ornaments? How do I place an value on an un replaceable item?
Why do I have to prove my life to them? Why do they make me feel like I'm trying to steal something...trying to get something better than what I had.
Why do I have to prove my worth to a bunch of strangers?
This is even more frustrating than standing there with your children watching the house burn. There are so many things out of my control, things I have to wait for other people to do, to say, to agree, to disagree, to argue about....It is possible I might lose my mind just trying to get this done.
There are over 313 items cateloged for the garage. That is only the items we were able to identify...that is they did not melt into a pile of goo. For whatever reason, I have to look up each freaking item and find out a replacement cost. Are you kidding me?
My sons Lego sets. Well, all of the kids lego sets. There are aprox 70 of them. I can only prove a few of them since only C2 saved her books. The rest were in giant boxes destined to be thrown away. C1 and his friends sat in the warehouse for two days sorting. Every time the identified a part of a set, they had a picture taken and wrote down the name. Last night I spent 3 hours looking up prices and cropping pictures to put into a document showing a child at either xmas or bdays holding it up in surprise. Plesae tell me there is a better way.
We cataloged 32 skeins of mostly sock yarn. Several hand dyed. Most not having labels anymore since I buy them in hanks and then re rwind them. How am I supposed to remember what they where, where I purchased them and how much it costs now. How do I do this? Am I supposed to take them to the two stores I shop at or the traveling shows..do I weight each one to calculate how much of a full skein it was? What about the hand dyed ones. How do I put a price on my time and effort? How much am I worth an hour?
My knitting bag...It was a gift from my mother..its no longer made..I cannot even find a picture of it..how do I justify, other than the fact that I owned it, that it costs x amount and I need to spend x amount.
How much is a 'pretty shell' that my daughter got for me worth? She was 5. I dont remember where it came from, other than her. I'm sure she didn't buy it..hope she didn't steal it,but it was a gift. How do I put a price on that.
A seam ripper. Do I really have to look up the replacement cost of that? A plastic tape measure that rolls up? A small porcelin dish I bought at the Trail of History. I dont have a recipt. I cant even remember how much I paid for it? Half used package of green tissue paper. Box of staples, leather belt, a wii game, coffee mug, camera case, one candle, blue candy bowl, metal vase, box of envelopes, candle holder, picture frame, metal planter, wood bowl, baby shoes, little wooden owl, 2 tea cups, glass vase, antique car, porcelin bank..half a box of plastic forks, half a bottle of suave shampoo, Pledge, a million unsharpened pencils, screwdrivers, melted fishing poles, melted tackle boxes, possibly 12+ hot dog trays(they melted into a lump)...I could go on forever. I had a bag of 100 tea lights. Probably 50 left. I bought them two or three years ago....how do I put a value on that. How much did I pay, from where and how much to replace...
Everything that is deemed unsalvagable, I am supposed to write up on their personal property inventory customer worksheek, or type it on line. Them I am supposed to research it, and find a replacement cost. There are also spots to list where I bought it and how old the item is. Ummm..My baby shoes..bought 40something years ago...I dont know how much to replace them since they are no longer made!
How much is my time worth versus how much is my stuff worth? Am I expected to put my life on hold, my familes life on hold, put my children through more than they have already been through just so I can get 1.50 for a 'pretty shell' my daughter bought me..or a buck for the wooden owl that my son saved up two days for to buy from a thrift store for me.
Why do they do this to us? To anyone who has suffered such a loss. Haven't we suffered enough...We have lost 95% of our personal belongings. They kids have lost almost everything. And now I have to put my life and their lives on hold so I can put a value on it? How can I do that? Why do they do that..I know why...cause most people wont research every last item...wont look at receipts...wont question the cleaners when they say its 6625.94 to clean all of our items. I am more than willling to go to the warehouse down town to prove I DONT own 12 backpacks! Most people dont look...they say clean it..I say...the drapes for the boys room I got on sale at Target for 8 bucks. Please dont charge me 32 to clean them.
Problem is though, if I rock the boat...yell or demand a solution...then things will either slow down or who knows what. Paperwork will start getting lost? Hell, my own SF agent who we have had for 15 years never even called to acknowledge our loss. He is so FIRED! But I cant do it now...it might makes waves.
GUESS WHAT SF...THIS IS MY LIFE...I WANT IT BACK...EXACTLY THE WAY IT WAS. I WANT MY STUFF BACK, BROKEN CHIPPED, MISSING PIECES...CAUSE IT WAS MINE. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO FORCE ME TO PUT MY LIFE ON HOLD TO PROVE THAT A SHELL MY DAUGHTER GAVE ME WHEN SHE WAS LITTLE IS WORTH SOMETHING. ITS WORTH THE WORLD TO ME..YOU CANNOT WRITE ME A CHECK TO MAKE IT BETTER...ITS GONE...I CANNOT TURN BACK THE CLOCK 7 YEARS AND RELIVE THAT MOMENT. AND NOW I DONT HAVE THAT SHELL, OR THAT OWL, OR THAT HAND MADE CLAY HANDPRINT...AND YOU WANT ME TO LOOK ON EBAY TO TRY TO FIND IT SO I CAN PUT A VALUE ON IT.
Later this week, I get to go to the warehouse and look at all of the hand made xmas ornaments I've had since I was a kid. Made by the elders of my dad's family as place settings. They cannot be salvaged. What is the cost of a pair of skis made out of popsicle sticks, hand painted and glued together with ski poles with my name on it from 1982. Or the Holmes for the Holidays ornaments? The hand painted light up xmas tree ornaments? How do I place an value on an un replaceable item?
Why do I have to prove my life to them? Why do they make me feel like I'm trying to steal something...trying to get something better than what I had.
Why do I have to prove my worth to a bunch of strangers?
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Because this is the life of Mayhem...
I HAVE A COMPUTER BACK!!! Good thing to...cause this story is to long to type with my thumbs.
So, I get to my house this morning around 8am. The boat was to be hauled away..yippee...sad face... and on my front door knob is a piece of paper. I go and get it and to my shock...and I do mean shock. its a note from my trugreen lawn guy telling me that he came and fertilized my lawn this morning.
Please...someone tell me this is hidden camera! WTF!!!
So, I pick up my cell phone and call tru green. I inform the woman that I am a little perplexed. I had thought that my lawn guy had been doing a fantastic job...up to this point. Dead silence on the other end of the phone. I say, He came out and fertilized my lawn this morning. Did he not notice that my house had BURNED?? Maybe it was hard to miss the giant blue tarps on my roof where the fireman had cut holes. Or perhaps the sheets of plywood covering the entire side of my house, the garage and half of the back of my house were missed. I supposed the 18 foot long burned out boat sitting on the side of my house wasn't a big enough clue either. Maybe his sense of smell is gone after so many years of spraying chemicals that he couldn't smell the charcoal ruins of my house. Maybe he figured the giant orange dumpster in the house was just a new addition. I asked the woman what happened to common sense here. How was it humanly possible for him to miss the half charbroiled pergola. Or better yet...he actually fertilized around the melted lawn furniture that the firemen had tossed into the yard cause it was on FIRE! He also fertilized around my favorite gardening hat which is only half a hat now, but in the middle of the yard.
So, he leaves me a note...telling me that I should water my grass as its yellowing a little. ummmm dude...that's cause my backyard was on FIRE!!! Its not yellowed from lack of water..IT BURNED IN THE FIRE.
I politely informed the woman that I would not be paying for todays application. Smartly she agreed and I suspended my service since we can no longer live there.
I then suggested she speak with the lawn guy on the virtues of plain old COMMON SENSE!
I can't help but wonder...if my entire house had burned to the ground...would have fertilized then too??
So, I get to my house this morning around 8am. The boat was to be hauled away..yippee...sad face... and on my front door knob is a piece of paper. I go and get it and to my shock...and I do mean shock. its a note from my trugreen lawn guy telling me that he came and fertilized my lawn this morning.
Please...someone tell me this is hidden camera! WTF!!!
So, I pick up my cell phone and call tru green. I inform the woman that I am a little perplexed. I had thought that my lawn guy had been doing a fantastic job...up to this point. Dead silence on the other end of the phone. I say, He came out and fertilized my lawn this morning. Did he not notice that my house had BURNED?? Maybe it was hard to miss the giant blue tarps on my roof where the fireman had cut holes. Or perhaps the sheets of plywood covering the entire side of my house, the garage and half of the back of my house were missed. I supposed the 18 foot long burned out boat sitting on the side of my house wasn't a big enough clue either. Maybe his sense of smell is gone after so many years of spraying chemicals that he couldn't smell the charcoal ruins of my house. Maybe he figured the giant orange dumpster in the house was just a new addition. I asked the woman what happened to common sense here. How was it humanly possible for him to miss the half charbroiled pergola. Or better yet...he actually fertilized around the melted lawn furniture that the firemen had tossed into the yard cause it was on FIRE! He also fertilized around my favorite gardening hat which is only half a hat now, but in the middle of the yard.
So, he leaves me a note...telling me that I should water my grass as its yellowing a little. ummmm dude...that's cause my backyard was on FIRE!!! Its not yellowed from lack of water..IT BURNED IN THE FIRE.
I politely informed the woman that I would not be paying for todays application. Smartly she agreed and I suspended my service since we can no longer live there.
I then suggested she speak with the lawn guy on the virtues of plain old COMMON SENSE!
I can't help but wonder...if my entire house had burned to the ground...would have fertilized then too??
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
I have a half a boat for sale....
Since everyone is asking...here is the story of what and how and why...
This morning..at 1:10am we were awoken by someone trying to beat in our door. And I do mean literally beat in our door. Its actually broken and its a steal door. These wonderful boys were in the field across from us doing what wonderful boys do at 1am. :) They were very happy :) Anyway.. Chris ran downstairs and opened the door. I heard the words house fire...I sprang out of fucking bed. Yes I said fucking mom! I ran to C2's room. the closest. Opened the door and held it open as i beat on it with all of my might screaming, 'fire fire, run run, get out get out' then I ran to the boys rooms and did the same thing. Then I ran back to my bedroom and grabbed my glasses and phone (of course). Ran back to the boys room and they were up and running. I ran downstairs and grabbed a dog and threw him outside. Molly, the other dog panicked and ran back into the house, where the wonderfully happy boys were standing. They ran into my burning house and grabbed her and ran out with her. I turned to run back inside to grab my car keys. I didn't want my car to explode. I couldnot get back into the house. in the 20 seconds it took to roust the kids, the house was engulfed in smoke. The smoke detectors were not going off because it was the outside of the house that was on fire. The smoke had just gotten to the inside when we got out. I dont know if they every did go off since we ran across the street.
Cops come screeching up as we are running. We run to them yelling we are out we are out we are out...neighbors...family and kids get them....other house is empty....
Then we stand and watch our house burn. I call my parents. I start the conversation with 'WE ARE SAFE WE ARE SAFE WE ARE SAFE. I need you...my house is on fire. WE ARE SAFE WE ARE SAFE. Dad says, we are on our way.
Then, C1 is supposed to leave for a BS trip. I call SR and say...I am so sorry to wake you...not sure if C1 is going...there is no good way to say this...my house is on fire and all of his gear is inside. I dont know if its on fire because house is on fire. I will let SR know. I call JKF...I need your help...can you come get dogs...they come running...literally...take doggies. Cat is missing...(found two hours later) Bird is alive...brought out by WONDERFUL FIREFIGHTERS!
Boat blows up. It didn't do a big boom...just a giant woosh as the gas ignited. we stand and watch. it became a giant block party as loving friends and family ran to us to see if we are ok.
Fire out..C1's gear is found unscorched. C1 wants to still go...he says what good will he do at home. His stuff smells smokey but so what, it will come home like that anyway. I call SR and she comes and gets him and lets him shower and checks his gear. I dont know if he had money...I'm not sure if it burned. I dont know if he had glasses or shoes. I was thrilled he didn't sleep naked this night. He does sometimes. I dont think he ever will again.!
The G's come and poor mom gives me the biggest hug ever..grabs all the kids, makes sure they are ok..eventually takes all of the kids minus C1 back to their house. Hubby and I hang out...all day..fielding and loving every single person that comes over...well maybe not NH..KIDDING(kinda) Fielding every single phone call...taking to adjusters, ..oh wait..
at 4am, we had to walmart..me in my jammies....FF had gotten clothes for hubby...he was in his underware and t-shirt all night., Thank god they were boxer briefs!. We go to walmart! OMG. It hit me in the underware section. I started to cry trying to pick out underware for C2. I couldn't remember her size! Mgmt at Walmart, THANK YOU. Gave us a $50.00 gift card. We still spent $400.00! Now we have deodorant...underware, socks, shirts, etc.. When they say you are left with the shirt on you back they are not fucking kidding! I know..I said it again.
Back at the house..I start calling dr's to get new meds for the kids. Have to throw the old ones out. take now crazy cat to the vet to be checked and boarded. He's a little nutty right now.
back at house...the love shown buy everyone has overwheled us! something like this is overwhelming as it is. but the amount of people that brought things...water, gatorade, granola bars...I am in a state of shock...
I dont know what to say...I am angry, I am hurt, I am scared. I have worked so hard on my house...and its gone.....yes, I know..its not gone gone...but what I loved the most is gone. My sanctuary is gone...my pergola...my bench, newly redone...my super bargin shopping at Sparrows nest...the 27 bucks I spent there YESTERDAY is gone.
Stupid...I know...we are alive. The pets are alive...the stupid fish are still alive...but damnit...6-8 months before we can move back in...I dont want that...I want my life back..I want yesterday back...I dont want to see the images in my head...the ones, as I run the kids outside of the back of my house engulfed in flames...I want the smell out of my nose...will I ever get the image and unbelieveable grip of fear, of absolute terror that takes my heart and squeezes it until I cant breath...the image of me running the kids out of the house...the sound of my own fists beating on their open doors, screaming...get up get up fire fire run run...i've heard people say that every time they close their eyes they can see it...I am having nightmares with my eyes wide open. How do I get past this...the terror in the kids eyes, i've never seen terror in my kids eyes before....not like this...fear of a spider maybe...but this...this is something I will never forget...
We will move on...we will continue...we will stand tall and get past this...its is what we do...but I will never get the images out of my head...nightmares with my eyes open....
So Bless you all of my friends and neighbors...I love all of you...you are all so special to me, to my family......
That's it..no witty ending..no funny quip...that's it...all I got...welllll...That's not quite all...I, WE, all you you!
OMG! IM BEING SAPPY!! Must go shower....must go eat...run...run while you can...i'm being sappy....arrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhh....
This morning..at 1:10am we were awoken by someone trying to beat in our door. And I do mean literally beat in our door. Its actually broken and its a steal door. These wonderful boys were in the field across from us doing what wonderful boys do at 1am. :) They were very happy :) Anyway.. Chris ran downstairs and opened the door. I heard the words house fire...I sprang out of fucking bed. Yes I said fucking mom! I ran to C2's room. the closest. Opened the door and held it open as i beat on it with all of my might screaming, 'fire fire, run run, get out get out' then I ran to the boys rooms and did the same thing. Then I ran back to my bedroom and grabbed my glasses and phone (of course). Ran back to the boys room and they were up and running. I ran downstairs and grabbed a dog and threw him outside. Molly, the other dog panicked and ran back into the house, where the wonderfully happy boys were standing. They ran into my burning house and grabbed her and ran out with her. I turned to run back inside to grab my car keys. I didn't want my car to explode. I couldnot get back into the house. in the 20 seconds it took to roust the kids, the house was engulfed in smoke. The smoke detectors were not going off because it was the outside of the house that was on fire. The smoke had just gotten to the inside when we got out. I dont know if they every did go off since we ran across the street.
Cops come screeching up as we are running. We run to them yelling we are out we are out we are out...neighbors...family and kids get them....other house is empty....
Then we stand and watch our house burn. I call my parents. I start the conversation with 'WE ARE SAFE WE ARE SAFE WE ARE SAFE. I need you...my house is on fire. WE ARE SAFE WE ARE SAFE. Dad says, we are on our way.
Then, C1 is supposed to leave for a BS trip. I call SR and say...I am so sorry to wake you...not sure if C1 is going...there is no good way to say this...my house is on fire and all of his gear is inside. I dont know if its on fire because house is on fire. I will let SR know. I call JKF...I need your help...can you come get dogs...they come running...literally...take doggies. Cat is missing...(found two hours later) Bird is alive...brought out by WONDERFUL FIREFIGHTERS!
Boat blows up. It didn't do a big boom...just a giant woosh as the gas ignited. we stand and watch. it became a giant block party as loving friends and family ran to us to see if we are ok.
Fire out..C1's gear is found unscorched. C1 wants to still go...he says what good will he do at home. His stuff smells smokey but so what, it will come home like that anyway. I call SR and she comes and gets him and lets him shower and checks his gear. I dont know if he had money...I'm not sure if it burned. I dont know if he had glasses or shoes. I was thrilled he didn't sleep naked this night. He does sometimes. I dont think he ever will again.!
The G's come and poor mom gives me the biggest hug ever..grabs all the kids, makes sure they are ok..eventually takes all of the kids minus C1 back to their house. Hubby and I hang out...all day..fielding and loving every single person that comes over...well maybe not NH..KIDDING(kinda) Fielding every single phone call...taking to adjusters, ..oh wait..
at 4am, we had to walmart..me in my jammies....FF had gotten clothes for hubby...he was in his underware and t-shirt all night., Thank god they were boxer briefs!. We go to walmart! OMG. It hit me in the underware section. I started to cry trying to pick out underware for C2. I couldn't remember her size! Mgmt at Walmart, THANK YOU. Gave us a $50.00 gift card. We still spent $400.00! Now we have deodorant...underware, socks, shirts, etc.. When they say you are left with the shirt on you back they are not fucking kidding! I know..I said it again.
Back at the house..I start calling dr's to get new meds for the kids. Have to throw the old ones out. take now crazy cat to the vet to be checked and boarded. He's a little nutty right now.
back at house...the love shown buy everyone has overwheled us! something like this is overwhelming as it is. but the amount of people that brought things...water, gatorade, granola bars...I am in a state of shock...
I dont know what to say...I am angry, I am hurt, I am scared. I have worked so hard on my house...and its gone.....yes, I know..its not gone gone...but what I loved the most is gone. My sanctuary is gone...my pergola...my bench, newly redone...my super bargin shopping at Sparrows nest...the 27 bucks I spent there YESTERDAY is gone.
Stupid...I know...we are alive. The pets are alive...the stupid fish are still alive...but damnit...6-8 months before we can move back in...I dont want that...I want my life back..I want yesterday back...I dont want to see the images in my head...the ones, as I run the kids outside of the back of my house engulfed in flames...I want the smell out of my nose...will I ever get the image and unbelieveable grip of fear, of absolute terror that takes my heart and squeezes it until I cant breath...the image of me running the kids out of the house...the sound of my own fists beating on their open doors, screaming...get up get up fire fire run run...i've heard people say that every time they close their eyes they can see it...I am having nightmares with my eyes wide open. How do I get past this...the terror in the kids eyes, i've never seen terror in my kids eyes before....not like this...fear of a spider maybe...but this...this is something I will never forget...
We will move on...we will continue...we will stand tall and get past this...its is what we do...but I will never get the images out of my head...nightmares with my eyes open....
So Bless you all of my friends and neighbors...I love all of you...you are all so special to me, to my family......
That's it..no witty ending..no funny quip...that's it...all I got...welllll...That's not quite all...I, WE, all you you!
OMG! IM BEING SAPPY!! Must go shower....must go eat...run...run while you can...i'm being sappy....arrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhh....
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Hold on ladies....they can be taught!!!!
Tomorrow...it will be 16 years. At least I think it will be 16 years that we have been married. I actually have no clue. Hubby usually reminds me. I have no head for dates. Course, we've both forgotten several times. On our 10th, my grandfather actually emailed us saying congrats. We had both forgotten!
So over the course of the past 16? years, I have been attempting to mold, every so gently, my husband into, I have no idea what. A man I dont want to strangle every three seconds? Ok, no its not that bad...but there are days that I can look at him and think...who the hell are you? Course, I am sure that he can look at me and think the same thing just about every day! :)
Now, we all have things that they do that drive us nuts and we have asked several times, ok 100 times for them to stop or to do or to modify and they dont. Course there are some things I have given up on, like actually opening the closet door to put the laundry in rather than throwing on the floor outside the closed door. But there are still some things I will NOT give up on.
1. DO NOT CALL ME WHEN YOU ARE ON YOU WAY HOME FROM WORK!. There are several reasons for this. If you call me on your way home and tell me all about your day, then what are we going to talk about when you get home. Also, I am in the middle of getting dinner ready, help with homework, finding baseball pants cause we are late for practice, saying no to sleepovers, trying to locate our teenager, scraping the toothpaste off of the ceiling....you get the picture. and you call and want to chit chat..then have the nerve, cause I cant spell audacity, oh I did it!, the audacity to sound offended that I dont want to talk to you!!! *BEYOTCH SLAP*
Status of this offense: Cured!
2. DO NOT ASK WHY ARE THERE (INSERT ANTYHING HERE) DOWNSTAIRS. I would imagine that the kids were hungry and that is why there is a leftover bowl of WHATEVER downstairs on the couch. Good god in heaven man...and you are a college educated man!
Why is there a bowl of pretzels downstairs. I would guess cause a child was eating them and then got lazy and left the bowl there. Dont ask, just order any child to clean it up or do it yourself.
Status of this Offense: Cured! (most of the time)
3. DONT ASK WHY....EVERY. Remember when our precious children where little and they would ask but why mommy and we would answer them cause it was fun and cute...remember how quickly we got over that when all they ever do is ask why. CAUSE I FREAKING SAID SO! Ok...I dont ever respond with that. HONEST! My response to why is. 'dont like the answer dont ask the question' . I like it. Better than CAUSE I FREAKING SAID SO!. I swear, there could be an entire blog post on the word why. Hubby is always asking why. Why are there children in the backyard..why is there an extra child at the dinner table, why is the tv on , why is there toothpaste on the floor, why is the dog half shaved, why why why why why why why. AAAARRRGGHHHH!
Status of this Offense: Cured! How you ask...every time he asked why, I replied, 'Garden gnomes dear'
4. My current challenging behavioral change....He calls my cell phone, I dont answer...he calls the house phone! *GROWL* I ever so politely informed hubby just this week, that there are several places I dont take my cell phone with me. Shower, bathroom, working on the pool...things like that. I didn't mention that sometimes I just dont want to talk to anyone! So the other day, I have been swamped with GS camp...he calls my cell phone. I had just sat down to play Xbox. I didn't get up. I had left it upstairs. Then the house phone rings. GROWL. I go get it. Its hubby. I ask him to please call me back on my cell phone. I dont tell him so that I can go sit back down and kill people on the xbox. I was right in the middle of a round afterall. I then begin to school my husband. I tell him that when I call him and he doesn't answer, I assume he is busy. However, he does not afford the same curtsey to me. If I am in the bathroom ( or playing COD) and I dont answer my cell phone, and he calls the house phone, I am still not going to jump up and go get it! Please assume that If I dont answer my cell phone, its cause I am otherwise preoccupied.
Status of Offense: Cured? He called my cell this morning, I was on the other line so I didn't answer and the house phone didn't ring! Of course, according to my mother, my own personal KILJOY, thanks mom!, maybe he got called away...but I would rather live in my dream world and believe that he realized I was busy and opted to phone at another time.
So ladies, dont give up hope...They can be molded into something that we dont want to kill...oh wait..my cell phone is ringing.. I didn't answer...lets see if my house phone rings......
So over the course of the past 16? years, I have been attempting to mold, every so gently, my husband into, I have no idea what. A man I dont want to strangle every three seconds? Ok, no its not that bad...but there are days that I can look at him and think...who the hell are you? Course, I am sure that he can look at me and think the same thing just about every day! :)
Now, we all have things that they do that drive us nuts and we have asked several times, ok 100 times for them to stop or to do or to modify and they dont. Course there are some things I have given up on, like actually opening the closet door to put the laundry in rather than throwing on the floor outside the closed door. But there are still some things I will NOT give up on.
1. DO NOT CALL ME WHEN YOU ARE ON YOU WAY HOME FROM WORK!. There are several reasons for this. If you call me on your way home and tell me all about your day, then what are we going to talk about when you get home. Also, I am in the middle of getting dinner ready, help with homework, finding baseball pants cause we are late for practice, saying no to sleepovers, trying to locate our teenager, scraping the toothpaste off of the ceiling....you get the picture. and you call and want to chit chat..then have the nerve, cause I cant spell audacity, oh I did it!, the audacity to sound offended that I dont want to talk to you!!! *BEYOTCH SLAP*
Status of this offense: Cured!
2. DO NOT ASK WHY ARE THERE (INSERT ANTYHING HERE) DOWNSTAIRS. I would imagine that the kids were hungry and that is why there is a leftover bowl of WHATEVER downstairs on the couch. Good god in heaven man...and you are a college educated man!
Why is there a bowl of pretzels downstairs. I would guess cause a child was eating them and then got lazy and left the bowl there. Dont ask, just order any child to clean it up or do it yourself.
Status of this Offense: Cured! (most of the time)
3. DONT ASK WHY....EVERY. Remember when our precious children where little and they would ask but why mommy and we would answer them cause it was fun and cute...remember how quickly we got over that when all they ever do is ask why. CAUSE I FREAKING SAID SO! Ok...I dont ever respond with that. HONEST! My response to why is. 'dont like the answer dont ask the question' . I like it. Better than CAUSE I FREAKING SAID SO!. I swear, there could be an entire blog post on the word why. Hubby is always asking why. Why are there children in the backyard..why is there an extra child at the dinner table, why is the tv on , why is there toothpaste on the floor, why is the dog half shaved, why why why why why why why. AAAARRRGGHHHH!
Status of this Offense: Cured! How you ask...every time he asked why, I replied, 'Garden gnomes dear'
4. My current challenging behavioral change....He calls my cell phone, I dont answer...he calls the house phone! *GROWL* I ever so politely informed hubby just this week, that there are several places I dont take my cell phone with me. Shower, bathroom, working on the pool...things like that. I didn't mention that sometimes I just dont want to talk to anyone! So the other day, I have been swamped with GS camp...he calls my cell phone. I had just sat down to play Xbox. I didn't get up. I had left it upstairs. Then the house phone rings. GROWL. I go get it. Its hubby. I ask him to please call me back on my cell phone. I dont tell him so that I can go sit back down and kill people on the xbox. I was right in the middle of a round afterall. I then begin to school my husband. I tell him that when I call him and he doesn't answer, I assume he is busy. However, he does not afford the same curtsey to me. If I am in the bathroom ( or playing COD) and I dont answer my cell phone, and he calls the house phone, I am still not going to jump up and go get it! Please assume that If I dont answer my cell phone, its cause I am otherwise preoccupied.
Status of Offense: Cured? He called my cell this morning, I was on the other line so I didn't answer and the house phone didn't ring! Of course, according to my mother, my own personal KILJOY, thanks mom!, maybe he got called away...but I would rather live in my dream world and believe that he realized I was busy and opted to phone at another time.
So ladies, dont give up hope...They can be molded into something that we dont want to kill...oh wait..my cell phone is ringing.. I didn't answer...lets see if my house phone rings......
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