Because this is the life of Mayhem...

I HAVE A COMPUTER BACK!!!  Good thing to...cause this story is to long to type with my thumbs.

So, I get to my house this morning around 8am.  The boat was to be hauled away..yippee...sad face... and on my front door knob is a piece of paper.  I go and get it and to my shock...and I do mean shock. its a note from my trugreen lawn guy telling me that he came and fertilized my lawn this morning. 

Please...someone tell me this is hidden camera!  WTF!!!

So, I pick up my cell phone and call tru green.  I inform the woman that I am a little perplexed.  I had thought that my lawn guy had been doing a fantastic job...up to this point.  Dead silence on the other end of the phone.  I say, He came out and fertilized my lawn this morning.  Did he not notice that my house had BURNED??  Maybe it was hard to miss the giant blue tarps on my roof where the fireman had cut holes.  Or perhaps the sheets of plywood covering the entire side of my house, the garage and half of the back of my house were missed.  I supposed the 18 foot long burned out boat sitting on the side of my house wasn't a big enough clue either.  Maybe his sense of smell is gone after so many years of spraying chemicals that he couldn't smell the charcoal ruins of  my house.  Maybe he figured the giant orange dumpster in the house was just a new addition.  I asked the woman what happened to common sense here.  How was it humanly possible for him to miss the half charbroiled pergola.  Or better yet...he actually fertilized around the melted lawn furniture that the firemen had tossed into the yard cause it was on FIRE!  He also  fertilized around my favorite gardening hat which is only half a hat now, but in the middle of the yard. 

So, he leaves me a note...telling me that I should water my grass as its yellowing a little.  ummmm  dude...that's cause my backyard was on FIRE!!!  Its not yellowed from lack of water..IT BURNED IN THE FIRE. 

I politely informed the woman that I would not be paying for todays application. Smartly she agreed and I suspended my service since we can no longer live there.   

I then suggested she speak with the lawn guy on the virtues of plain old COMMON SENSE! 

I can't help but wonder...if my entire house had burned to the ground...would have fertilized then too??